The sun had already set when I followed the path to the beach for the bonfire that evening. It looked different in the dark. Less like paradise, more like the murder spot in a crime documentary. I walked faster.
I heard a ‘Merde!’ but couldn’t see anything. Then, when I turned the corner, there was Delphine, hunched down on the sand, fidgeting with her flip-flop.
‘Are you OK?’ I asked.
‘Mes tongs sont cassées,’ Delphine replied without looking up at me.
‘Your flip-flops?’ I bent down beside her. ‘I have spare ones at the mobile home. I could get them if you like?’ I offered, ignoring her cold tone and deliberate French.
She hesitated, like my niceness had shocked her. It had shocked me too. The rage that had consumed me at the start of the holiday had completely faded. Delphine stopped fidgeting with the flip-flop and looked like she was considering her answer. ‘Thank you, but no, it is OK.’
She took off her flip-flops and threw them into the darkness to get lost in the reeds.
We started walking again. And the silence was uncomfortable until she broke it.
‘Tu es avec Felix?’ She didn’t even turn to look at me when she asked.
‘Now?’ I clarified. I looked around to show her that he wasn’t there.
‘Non.’ She shook her head. Irritated. ‘You and Felix. It is serious?’
What was I supposed to say to that?
‘I don’t know,’ I said awkwardly. I wished he was here tonight. I’d thought about sending him a message and asking him again to come with me, but I remembered how he’d shut it down so quickly before, so I didn’t. I settled on sending him a gif of puppies instead, before immediately cringing at how immature it looked. But he sent one back, right away, even cuter than mine.
‘Why do you not know?’ Delphine asked.
‘Why are you asking?’ I said, irritated. She was with Lili so I had no idea why she was so concerned about me and Felix.
She muttered something in French and all I could pick out was ‘Antoine’ andles filles de l’été. Summer girls.
‘Andyou’rewith Lili?’ I clarified.
She snorted. ‘Oui.’ She extended theouilike I’d said something really stupid.
As we turned the corner, I saw it. The fire burned bright orange in the night, and there were teenagers everywhere – sitting on the sand, standing in groups, huddled around some guy with a guitar. I took a photo of the silhouettes and sent it to Priya as Delphine walked on ahead.
ME: French beach parties / Irish beach parties? Hope you’re doing something fun tonight x
I couldn’t believe I was here by myself. This wasn’t the kind of thing I usually did. I’d spent the last year doing things as a trio with Ari and Theo. But here? It was like a different world, and I was so intrigued. By the beach, by the surfers, by Antoine. I didn’t even want to think it, not after my date with Felix, and our kiss, but there was something that drew me to Antoine. Kind of like the first time Ari had given me beer. I hated it. Horrible. Bitter. Couldn’t stand it. But when I tried it again, there was something I liked about it, and there was something about it that kept bringing me back. As I walked towards the bonfire, I could just see the surf hut down the beach. I scanned the crowd for him, but could barely make out anyone specific in the darkness.
‘Wohoo!’ Delphine shouted and ran towards the group, who cheered when they saw her getting close. I hung back, walking slowly, starting to feel less brave.
‘Margot!’
A figure bounded towards me. Big, skinny, loud. ‘Margot!’
Sébastian.
He had a huge grin on his face when he reached me. ‘I am so happy you came tole feu,’ Sébastian said. He threw his arms round me, then let go. ‘This is how you say hello in Ireland? A hug?’
I laughed. ‘Sometimes.’
Then he leaned forward and kissed both my cheeks. ‘And we do this in France.’
His blonde hair was tied in a top knot, and he was wearing shorts and a black shirt that was open the whole way down.
‘Is Antoine here?’ I asked as we walked slowly towards the bonfire. It had just come out. I hadn’t planned it. But it made sense that I’d look for him as, out of everyone here, he was the one I knew the best.
