‘What?’ I couldn’t believe what I was hearing.
And I don’t know why I had such a strong reaction. The thought of getting back in the water right thenwasterrifying. But something boiled up inside me and came out of my mouth before I could even think about it. ‘No!’
It was like it was just at that moment that I realized what it meant to me. This wasn’t just a holiday activity – it was so much more than that. For the first time I really understood it. The ocean. How powerful it was. And the surfing gave me something that I hadn’t felt in a really long time. Like I was finding myself again.
‘We can talk about it tomorrow,’ Mum suggested.
And it would probably have been a good idea, because I was so tired. My body ached, my eyelids were heavy and my throat was sore, but this had woken me up, and I wasn’t about to go to sleep without making my point.
Dad shook his head and took another sip of his whiskey. ‘Margot, you almostdied.’
‘But Ididn’t. Dad, you’re the one who taught me that water isn’t something to fear, you’re not taking that away from me.’ I felt my jaw clench, and I didn’t look away when he turned to me, so he knew how much I meant it.
But he didn’t say anything, so I just got up and went to bed. But before I went to sleep, I sent a message to Priya.
ME: Hey … I need to tell you something …
PRIYA: Ominous …
ME: I kind of nearly drowned yesterday …
PRIYA: WHAT? Are you OK? What happened?
ME: I’m fine now, but it was pretty scary. I was out surfing and got caught in a rip current.
PRIYA: Jesus, you could have died!
ME: Yeah … my parents are freaking out
PRIYA: I’m not surprised!!
ME: They want me to stop surfing. Like forever
PRIYA: Can you blame them?
ME: I mean I get it … but P … I can’t stop. When I’m out there, I feel like me again. The waves. It’s like I’m the me I was when I was swimming. The real me
PRIYA: Yeah but … can’t you find the real you on land too?
ME: I kind of thought you’d be on my side with this one
PRIYA: What? I AM on your side. But I’m also on the side of keeping you alive
ME: You think I should quit?
PRIYA: I’m just trying to be a good friend. Sometimes that means telling people what they need to hear not what they want to hear
ME: Wow thanks for the support. Maybe we always were on different pages
PRIYA: Maybe …
I slept on and off all the next day. Mostly tossing and turning, frustrated at Priya and her total lack of understanding. Then I got upset about our argument and wished I hadn’t said anything at all. Rage still simmered in my gut from my conversation with Mum and Dad. And then it was as if I’d opened the floodgates to every negative thought that existed in my head. How it might have been Felix who pulled me out of the water, and I’d probably traumatized him even more than he already was,how Antoine hadn’t even bothered to check on me. And to top it all off, I scrolled through Insta, just to torture myself by studying Theo’s stories. Staring at them just long enough to spot some kind of Ari reference, making the rage intensify.
I stared at the ceiling after that. Until my eyes got heavy and the explosive thoughts began to fizzle out.
I woke the next day, with a ray of sunlight warming my face through the gap in the curtains. I looked at my phone. It was almost the afternoon.
I lay for a moment as Felix filled my head.
