Antoine sighed and scanned the crowd, as if to look for him.
‘Is that the only reason?’ he asked, letting his words hang in the air as he stared back out at the ocean.
He inhaled, and in those seconds, I couldn’t hear the rush of the waves, the bang of the drum or the chatter of French teenagers, because it was like everything was silent. Like it was just us on the beach.
‘No,’ I said. And I didn’t mean it to come out. Or maybe I did. Priyadidtell me to be honest.
And he was about to say something. He opened his mouth and, desperate to hear what he had to say, I moved closer. But something had caught his attention behind us. He turned, and I watched the muscles in his shoulders immediately tense.
I followed his gaze. Felix. Far away, but unmistakable. His square-shouldered silhouette watched us from the glow of the bonfire beside him. Antoine turned to me, his expression hard, jaw set, and I wondered what condescending words would come out of his mouth.
But he just shook his head in frustration, then stormed away from me, up the beach, towards Felix. I jogged after him but was stopped by Sébastian, who held out an arm.
‘Be careful, Margot. It is better not to get mixed up.’ He looked down at me with pleading eyes beneath his blonde mop of hair.
‘What’s going on?’ I asked.
But I couldn’t hear his answer, because a crowd had gathered around Felix and Antoine, who were shouting at each other in French. French that was far too fast for me to attempt to translate. I looked between them. Felix looked angrier than I’d ever seen him. His brown eyes flashed in the light of thebonfire, embers sparking around them, like even the universe was expecting a fight. Antoine stood tall, holding his head up, chest out, seeming bigger than he was. He paced on the sand in front of Felix as they fired angry words at each other.
Sébastian bent down and whispered into my ear. ‘Antoine is asking why he is here. He says that he lost the right to be here when he walked away three years ago.’
‘I don’t understand.’ I looked at Sébastian, confused. But he was listening again and hadn’t heard me.
‘They are talking about Gabriel now,’ Sebastain explained.
‘Gabriel. Felix’s brother?’ I asked. No answer.
I watched them again, and everything around me blurred, as a sickening revelation passed through my body. The bone structure. It was the same. The same defined jawline and high cheekbones. The eyes – same shape, different colour. Square shoulders, olive skin, toned but lean.
Gabriel was Antoine’s brother too.
I reached for Sébastian’s shirt beside me and tugged it. He bent down so he could hear me.
‘Felix and Antoine. They’re brothers?’ I looked into his eyes, hoping he’d shake his head, prove my stupid theory wrong.
But he nodded, his eyes still on them. ‘You knew …Non…? They have not spoken for three years. Not since Gabriel died.’ Sébastian translated again: ‘Antoine says that he was supposed to be there that day. That he felt guilty. And Felix is saying that it was him who took Gabriel out to surf, that it was all his fault, and that Antoine has blamed him ever since.’
I stared open-mouthed at Felix, whose pain was so visible that it was hard to watch. Sébastian kept translating. ‘I neverblamed you. I blamed myself. You walked away. From me. From the ocean. I lost two brothers that day.’ He mirrored the painful animation in Antoine’s voice.
My hand moved reflexively to my mouth and a lump formed in my throat.
‘Felix says that he could not stay. Not with the ghost of Gabriel. Not when he thought Antoine hated him.’ Felix’s words were stilted, like he was about to cry.
But I couldn’t take any more. I pushed my way back through the crowd and sat down on the sand. My head was spinning. I’d found myself in the middle of this awful family tragedy. I should have seen it. The similarities, which were just so painfully obvious now that I knew.
And I had never felt more stupid.
32
I left the crowd and started to walk down the beach, the light and heat of the bonfires getting further and further away. Then I heard a voice.
‘Margot. Wait!’
I turned to see Delphine jogging after me.
‘Do you mind if I join you?’
I shook my head.
