‘I can help?’ he asked.
I shook my head and put my sunglasses back on. ‘I’m fine, seriously.’
‘You are sure?’ he said gently. He leaned in close, bare forearms on the table, one knee touching mine underneath.
I nodded. ‘I just got dumped.’ I tried to laugh, but a strangled noise came out instead. I don’t even know why I said it out loud. It wassoembarrassing, but I had nobody else to talk to, and there was something about this place, his presence, that felt like shelter.
His forehead creased and he tilted his head in confusion. ‘Dumped?’
‘Ah sorry, my boyfriend … We aren’t together any more,’ I explained, feeling a wave of nausea churn in my stomach. I mimed my head exploding and tried to force a laugh.
‘Ah, I understand.Se faire larguer, we say in France.’
‘Good to know, I guess.’ I took a sip of bitter wine.
‘What is your name?’ He moved his chair closer, so he was beside me now instead of opposite. ‘Sorry to be so close, I am trying to keep out of sight of Yves.’ He nodded towards a man in his sixties with thick, dark hair and wearing an apron, then shielded his eyes and grinned at me with straight white teeth.
I noticed that he smelled like food and aftershave, lavender, vanilla, but in a masculine way.
‘Margot,’ I answered, barely.
‘C’est jolie,’ he said, ‘like you.’ And I couldn’t help but smile. ‘English?’
‘Irish. Northern Irish actually,’ I replied.
‘I went to Dublin once,’ he said. The same thing everybody says if you tell them you live in the North. ‘How long are you staying here?’
‘Four weeks.’ I held up four fingers as if he wouldn’t understand four even though he clearly spoke almost perfect English. ‘What about you?’
He smiled. ‘I work here, so, all of the summer.’
I was about to ask him his name when an angry male voice called from somewhere behind the bar.
‘Felix!’
‘Merde, he has found me,’ he whispered, then smiled at me again. ‘I must go. But maybe you will return? Tonight? I work until midnight.’ He backed away, looking right into my sunglasses.
‘Maybe,’ I said, even though I had no intention of returning tonight. As lovely as he seemed, and looked, my head was filled with Theo and Ari, and it was hot with rage.
‘Felix,’ I whispered to myself. It was a nice name.
I finished my wine, left some Euros on the table, and got up from my seat. I thought about going back to the mobile home, but I wasn’t ready yet, so I turned in the opposite direction, following a little wooden sign tola plage.
The air smelled different here. Hot, salty, the scent of thepine trees in the breeze. I could already hear the rush of waves on the shore. And even though I had been avoiding the water,anywater since my swimming disaster, I’d always loved the sea.
It was further than I thought, down the sandy lane. But then I turned a corner and there it was. Miles of perfect beach. The sun was low and getting ready to set.
I watched kids running into the sea, couples sunbathing, topless women just walking about like it was entirely normal. Fair play to them. I don’t think I’d ever have the balls to do that; I shuddered at the image of trying it and my dad somehow seeing.
I looked down the beach and saw a blue hut with multicoloured surfboards lined up outside. A guy was setting them on a rack. Even though he was far away, I could see how dark his hair was, and the tattoos on his bare chest. I sat and watched him until he disappeared into the hut and out of sight. Dad had mentioned something about this area being good for surfing, and like everything Dad said to me these days, it hadn’t really registered, but therewassomething inviting about the coloured boards catching the day’s last rays. Then I remembered Theo’s offer of teaching me to surf, and it was like someone hit a dimmer switch on the sun.
I took out my phone and scrolled through the photos of me and Theo. Theo with his smooth brown hair and eyes so dark I got lost in them. Everyone fancied Theo. Including Ari clearly. I could feel the tears coming again, but I stopped them, pushing the sand hard with my foot, digging my toes into the warmth and staring out at the sun setting over the Atlantic coast. Then my phone buzzed.
DAD: Coming back Gogo? We have pizza
ME:
I pulled myself to my feet and gazed out to sea again before walking back through the camp to try to find our mobile home.
