Perceptive as always.
Rue started again. ‘If I could surf like you,I’dstay. I’d doallthe competitions and wineverything.’ She flexed her muscles and made Wren laugh. They were like a tag team.
But I didn’t laugh this time. I had too many thoughts. Contradictions, complications.
‘But … it’s not that simple. You need me at home.’
Rue considered my words and Wren watched her, the two of us just waiting.
Then she shook her head. ‘Nope. I’ll have Mum and DadandWren.’ Wren put her arm round Rue’s shoulders and Rue grinned at me. ‘And plus! It would be so cool to tell everyone at school that my sister is arealsurfer.’
I just stood there, marvelling at how easily she could cut through all the adult bullshit that made everything so complicated, and how she just saw things the way they were. The way they should be.
She grabbed my hand. ‘Let’s go and tell Mum and Dad!’
I pulled a face, and my stomach lurched as I imagined how that would go.
‘You should stay. I’ll be OK,’ she said.
I squeezed her hand in response. And in thanks for making the impossible feel … maybenotso impossible. But that was what I should be doing forher.I was the big sister. And instead, here she was, teachingmethings.
When we got back into the mobile home, all the bags were packed, and Mum and Dad were cleaning counters.
Rue and Wren went outside, and I took a deep breath. ‘I should have told you about the competition, I’m sorry.’
Dad sighed and stopped cleaning. He turned round and Mum looked at him, giving me the impression that they’d discussed things when we were out.
‘Margot, I know you love surfing, but after everything that happened, and Rue’s operation –’
‘I know,’ I said, holding up my hands in peace. ‘But hear me out. This isn’t just about the surfing.’
Mum and Dad sat down on the little sofa to listen. Dad gave me a small nod.
‘Do you remember when I used to swim? The early mornings, the galas, how I was before I quit?’ I asked.
‘Oh, I remember.’ Dad smiled at a memory. ‘You loved it so much. I couldn’t understand how someone could enjoy getting up at four thirty to get into a cold pool.’
‘Exactly!’ I said, like Dad had got an answer right in an imaginary quiz. ‘And after I quit, I felt, I dunno, lost. Like I didn’t know who I was any more. Rue and Wren’s sister, your daughter, someone’s girlfriend. Never just Margot.’
‘Oh, love,’ Mum said, looking troubled. But I continued.
‘When I’m in the water, I feel likemeagain. The real me. Like I’ve discovered something that’s mine. And that I happen to be really good at.’ My voice wavered. ‘This isn’t about abandoning my family, because I wouldneverabandon Rue and Wren. It’s about the fact that I found a part of me that I lost.’
Mum looked at me. Her expression soft, sad. ‘You’re serious about this, aren’t you? It’s not just a summer thing?’
I shook my head.
Dad looked at his hands, which were twisting round each other.
‘Dad?’
He looked up and, for a second, I thought I saw the shine of tears in his eyes.
‘I told Margot she should stay. I want her to.’
I turned to the doorway. I hadn’t even noticed Rue come in.
Dad looked between us, then Rue went over to sit beside Mum.
