“I hear you,” he replies with a laugh. “I’m already in the doghouse myself for sneaking away from my wife’s side to talk to acquaintances I recently made. They were more interesting than hearing about the ladies who lunch together but gossip behind each other’s backs at the club.” He pats Mr. Stansbury on the shoulder. “You go on, and we’ll keep this meeting a secret. And the three of us should do lunch soon.”
“We should. I’d like to hear more about Mr. Matthews here.”
Never fucking going to happen. I can’t even summon a fake smile for him to make a good impression on my boss. So I glance back once more at Sosie, clocking how many seconds I have left before my world tilts on its axis like it did the first time with Sosie. Considering how fast my heart was beating, I knew she was near before I saw her. Now that I catch sight of her again, it’s hard to turn away. She’s stunning with her shoulders bared andher makeup light. Her hair is pinned up on one side, giving the large diamond earrings the spotlight. But it’s those pink lips that have me craving just one more taste of heaven again.
Despite the fucker her father is, the truth hurts. She didn’t want me and made that clear by never returning. I still have the necklace and earrings. They stayed wrapped around the tree in that studio until the day I moved out. Now they’re buried in a box in my closet that I’ve never unpacked.
“Excuse me,” I tell my boss and slip through the crowd and away from anything to do with a Stansbury. I finish my drink on the way out and push through the ballroom doors to the large corridor. The trek to escape in a timely manner is hindered by the maze of this hotel. I’m practically running by the time I reach the lobby.
As soon as the May air hits my face, I breathe easier, as if I were losing the capacity to do so as I was getting away. I haven’t smoked in a couple of years, mainly because it fucked up my chances to run farther than a mile without feeling a tightening in my chest, but I could sure use one now. “Hey?” I ask a nearby valet, “You got a spare cigarette?”
“Sorry, I only vape.”
“No worries.” I start to walk down the block when I spot a man in a suit stamping out a cigarette on the sidewalk. “Can you spare a cigarette?”
“Hope you’re not the groom.” He laughs as he pulls a cigarette from a soft pack.
I look at the tux and chuckle. “Nah. It’s a charity event.”
“Good.” He hands me the stick and lights it for me. “Don’t get married, kid. They’ll take you for everything you got and leave you with a daily headache.”
“Thanks for the cigarette, and don’t worry,” I say as he walks away. “I don’t plan on ever getting married.”
His laughter trails him as he returns to the hotel. I lean against the building, closing my eyes, and take a long overdue drag that begins to soothe the anxiety and heartbreak away.
“Never?” I open my eyes to her voice, the musical notes of her tone bringing me back to life.
When my eyes lock on those hazels that haunt my nights, I pretend Sosie didn’t just kill me a second time. “Never what?”
“You’re never getting married?”Oh.
“Um.” I painstakingly pull my gaze away from her and watch the traffic dance being performed on 5thAvenue. Taking another long pull, I glance at her through the corners of my eyes, then hand her the cigarette. Sosie takes it, holding it between her lips, and inhales. Her lids dip closed like she finds sweet relief in the act. Maybe it’s been a while for her as well. I exhale, the cloud clamoring in front of my mouth until a breeze sweeps it away. “It’s not something in the cards for me. There’s no track record of success on either side of my family. So I’d rather be single than end up at a party doing anything I can to avoid my wife.”
It's only the minutest of nods as she watches people at the curb pour out of a cab, but there’s understanding in her gesture. With the cigarette between her fingers, she lowers it to her side, taking full ownership like she did the night we met. It shouldn’t make me smile like it does. When her gaze shifts to the street, I steal seconds that aren’t mine to drink her in—the gold flecks in her eyes that still glitter like stardust, the rosy cheeks that seem to darken just for me, and the pink streak running through her hair as her last rebellion before transforming into who she never wanted to be.
She exhales, and says, “I used to feel the same.”
“What changed your mind?”
When she looks back at me, she can’t seem to stop the small smile that appears. “I’m not sure my mind is changed, but I can’t say never with any kind of authority. What if I’m the one to breakmy family’s curse? What if you’re the one meant to be the first in your family’s lineage to make marriage work?”
“That feels like a burden.”
“I look at it as more of a challenge.” That doesn’t surprise me about her.
Something I’ve learned about working with people who have money is that sometimes it doesn’t matter if they win or lose. They just want to beat the other guy in the game. “I don’t want my marriage to be a ‘fuck you’ to the universe.” I push off the wall, realizing I’m not getting another smoke with her around. “I don’t mind a fight, but that fight needs to be us against the world, not between us.” Damn, it’s so good to see her again that I’d be a fool to walk away before fully appreciating the woman she’s become. I’d be an idiot to stay. “It was good to see you, Sosie.” I walk toward the hotel entrance, knowing full well that I have no intention of returning to the event.
“You look good, Poet.”
My feet stop without my permission, and as tempting as it is, I don’t look back. I can’t. She’s not the direction my life is heading. Not anymore. She made sure I knew that four years earlier.
Despite not having a say in the matter last time, I leave this time. It’s still not easier to walk away, even if it is on my terms. But it does remind me that there’s no healing old wounds when she exists on this earth. The pain is as fresh as it was back then.
It doesn’t matter that I have a view from a bigger apartment, a stocked fridge, and a closet full of tailored suits. I’m still returning to a place where I’ll be alone again, left to think about the one who got away.
CHAPTER 14
PRESENT DAY
