There’s so much left to say, but maybe it doesn’t need to be all at once. Her body rattles with the emotions she’s probably kept pent-up as much as I have. “Keats?”
“Yeah?”
“Can I stay the night?”
CHAPTER 21
SOSIE
I’ve never known home quite like the warmth of Keats’s embrace. It was selfish to ask to stay, but I couldn’t quite bring myself to stray from a place I’ve always wished to return to so badly. Why would I choose a palace where no one truly cares about me when his arms give me the escape I need from my life for one night? It’s just one night when I don’t return to deal with the consequences of what I’ve always gone along with. I’m culpable. Sure. I’ve been an accomplice to what I created and what was damaged in the process.
Should he allow me to stay?Absolutely not.
Keats owes me nothing. But he’s already given me everything I didn’t deserve. He stood by my side this evening while I dealt with my so-called fiancé and treating me like I’m not the enemy when he has every right to. So I don’t know if he’ll give me more, a night to escape my life.I can only hope.
The shame and sorrow that overcame me earlier have subsided. I finally take a whole breath without wheezing. I askedhim without thinking of how he might feel, so I pull back just enough to see the truth in his eyes when he answers.
He says, “You can stay as long as you need.”
“I don’t need much, just tonight. It’s been a lot and . . .” I crimp my eyes closed, wanting to forget anything that doesn’t exist in his arms. “I’ve made a mess of things. I can’t say sorry enough, but I am. I’m so very sorry, Keats.”
“So am I for not realizing how much it affected you.” He holds me close again, this time not letting me worm my way out of this, though his grip is too light to keep me against my will. I wouldn’t fight him, or this. It’s like a vacation from everything that drags me down, a reprieve that allows me to breathe without worrying I’m stepping out of line again.
“I don’t know what happened.” As embarrassment begins creeping up my chest, I turn away from him, still in his arms. “God, I must look a mess.”
I start for the bathroom, but my wrist is caught. I turn back, our eyes latching onto each other’s. He says, “Don’t put on a mask for me. Please, Sosie. You don’t have to hide, not from me.”
One truth I’ve always known about him is his integrity. He won’t sacrifice his truth for anyone. I wish I had learned that same lesson. That would have saved me so much heartache. “I guess it all caught up with me.”
“Holding on to that kind of pain, pretending to be what everyone else wants instead of yourself, is exhausting. No one expects you to be perfect?—”
“My parents do.”
He takes both my hands in his and says, “Listen, I know you grew up with a lot of bullshit expectations. I grew up with none, so I’m not exactly a voice of reason on this, but I’m going to give you my opinion anyway.” His grip tightens around my hands as if the importance of what he says is more evident. “You don’t owe anybody jack shit, Sosie.”
I almost expect something different, longer, more rah-rah, go get ’em, tiger. I grin because he didn’t say what I wanted. He said what I needed to hear. I nod because how can I not? He’s right. I’ve had them controlling my life for so long. They can only do it if I continue to allow it. What did I sacrifice my autonomy for anyway? Money. A roof over my head. Clothes. Spending what I want. “I don’t. And I’ve already given so much of myself that I have nothing left. Keats?” I purse my lips and, feeling stronger, reaffirm my earlier decision to leave. “I’m going to prove I can stand on my own.”
“I have no doubt you’ll make that happen.”
I move closer just because I want to. “Hey.” I fidget with the material on the front of his shirt. “I wanted to say something. What you’ve accomplished can’t be taken away from you. My father can’t hurt you now. You’ve made a name and a life he can’t compromise.”
Rubbing his hand over the side of my head, he digs his fingers into my hair. “I graduated, so unless he knows how to have my diploma revoked, he can’t touch me.”
I blink and hold my eyes closed a moment longer as my father’s threat comes floating back to me. When I reopen them, I’m met with his eyes set so intensely on mine that his concern radiates in that gaze. “I knew you would graduate one way or the other. I was worried about the threat of a felony, though.” Waffling my head back and forth, I add, “I don’t know if he’s truly that evil, but I also wouldn’t put anything past him anymore. If he’ll treat me?—”
“Wait, what are you talking about?” One of my hands is released, but I grip onto his other. “What felony?”
“The champagne. He told you that, right? When did you return my phone? He told me he had you on video stealing the champagne.” Looking down, I shake my head. “We both knowyou weren’t stealing it.” I look up at him only to be met with anger tingeing his eyes and pressing his lips together. “Keats?”
He turns away from me and walks to the window to look out. His head is dipped forward, his hand sliding slowly through his hair. I want to go to him and wrap my arms around his middle to comfort him. I move closer but pause, careful not to touch as if he’ll break if I do. I whisper, “He told me he would report it as a crime to have you arrested if I saw you again. But you two argued as well? What did he say to you?”
He looks over his shoulder but doesn’t give me the full view of his eyes, only the corners. “I thought your father was just another asshole.” He rips his gaze away, letting it drift through the window. When he crosses his arms over his chest, I can see the rise and fall of his chest from his heavy breaths. “Even categorizing him as overprotective of his only daughter.”
Turning around, he just looks at me as if he finally sees my father for who he is. I know that look. Disappointment. Anger. Resolve. Revenge. Acceptance. I’ve felt all these emotions and more, separately and all at the same time. Nothing ever changes.
He says, “He doesn’t care about you.”
“No, he doesn’t.” I drop my head in the shame my father cultivated to keep the upper hand.
