Again, Quinn hated himself for even going there.
‘What problems?’
‘Matty has an ego,’ Noah said, not meeting Quinn’s eye. ‘I don’t know why he told you he was going to write Hermione’s book, because that wasn’t the case at all. Hermione wanted you because she knew your father. End of. She didn’t even consider anyone else.’
‘Lucky I applied, then.’
‘Yeah.’
Quinn nudged Noah. ‘I didn’t mind him saying that, you know.’
‘I worried he’d offended you.’
They turned from the cabinet that held the awards, and Noah walked away from the stairs. Quinn followed, not sure where they were going, but hoping and praying that this moment with him would last forever.
‘Not offended. Just…’
‘Made you realise what I have to deal with?’
Matty lied. Noah noticed. And now Noah was sharing his grievances with Quinn like they were friends? Like he could trust him? He admitted to himself that he’d been relieved to hear Matty wasn’t a choice at all. At least he could whole-heartedly remind himself that Hermione wanted him, and only him.
‘Noah. Is everything alright with you and Matty?’
Noah shrugged. ‘Does it matter?’
‘Yes, it matters.’
‘Why, Quinn?’
They hovered in the hallway, lost in the shadows of Hermione’s home. Noah, close to him. His eyes were so beautiful. They held him pinned to the wall.
‘Why does it matter if everything is okay with me and Matty?’
Even now, in this moment, Matty’s nickname sounded playful.
‘I want to know that you’re okay,’ Quinn whispered. ‘And I want you to know that you can trust me.’
Noah’s hand found Quinn’s, sending shockwaves to his heart.
‘Matty cares about how he can get ahead in this life,’ Noah said. ‘He cares more about his career than anything else. I support that, but…’
Noah let go of Quinn’s hand and leaned against the wall. Noah’s arm, so close to his face. Noah, so close to him.
‘Are you happy, Noah?’
‘That’s a loaded question,’ Noah breathed, his eyes darting over Quinn’s face.
‘Are you happy with Matty?’
‘I don’t know.’
Quinn closed his eyes, wishing he could say everything he wanted to say. He’d got better at finding his voice. Speaking his mind. He’d felt proud of himself for finding the fight within, something that had faded when his father died. Right now, he sensed he should fight. He could load the gun and shoot the bullet and kill whatever relationship Noah had with him, or with Matty. Because all Quinn wanted to do was kiss the man before him. He wanted to offer his support however he could. Selfishly, almost like Matty, he wanted to do something for him for once. Not care about who he hurt, or the consequences of what he did. But he couldn’t go there. He couldn’t influence Noah, change his mind. This was something he needed to figure out for himself.
‘Do what is right for you,’ Quinn said.
Noah dropped his arm, the moment between them broken.
He walked, and Quinn followed. Quinn couldn’t talk about Matty. His mind whirled with possibilities of what Noah was thinking, what he was feeling. Not only was he in Hay, a place he didn’t want to be, but he was with his mother, being reminded of her health and the troubles she’d faced. Dealing with a man who might not be good for him. That comment on heartbreak had never felt clearer.
