Sam blinks, as if slapped.
We look at one another.
‘Sam is a…’
‘Stripper,’ Sam says, slowly.
A prawn cracker falls from Ollie’s mouth.
‘And adult male model,’ he adds. ‘You know, porn.’
My eyes widen, looking at our guests.
‘Fantastic.’ Alec leans forward. ‘That’s why you were so open about nudity, then.’
‘Yep,’ Sam replies. ‘It’s what I do.’
‘I love that,’ Alec says. ‘Nudity in all its forms is beautiful. Would I have seen you in anything?’
Before Sam can answer, Ollie stands. ‘I need to pee.’
Nobody says anything, so I show Ollie to the bathroom.
‘A porn star boyfriend?’ Ollie whispers to me as we walk. ‘Really, Will?’
‘Really,’ I say. Maybe it’s the wine, or maybe it’s just to get a kick from his reaction, but I take it further. ‘It’s true what they say about porn stars. They’re hung, and they are the best sex you’ll ever have.’
Chapter Forty-Four
WILL
Day Twelve
In the dark coffee shop, Ollie and Alec walk ahead of me, their arms linked. Alec sways on his feet, giggling at something Sam said before they left.
‘I like you two,’ Alec says to me as we get to the door. ‘Together, I mean.’
Sam wraps an arm around me.
‘I’m happiest when I’m with Sam.’ My eyes find Ollie’s. He smiles, and despite everything, I almost see it as permission: permission for me to be happy. To move on. Even though I don’t need it. It still feels good.
But it’s hard to feel Alec’s affection for me, when he doesn’t know the truth.
‘Well, thanks for tonight,’ I say, because it’s better than blurting out what Ollie was to me.
‘Thanks for having us,’ Alec says. ‘Cat-sitting, you said?’
‘Yeah, that’s right. King Charles the Cat.’
‘Who would name a cat that?’ Ollie asks.
‘I know. Stupid, isn’t it?’
But it isn’t stupid, because it’s funny, and Ollie has never been as funny as me.
‘I didn’t see a cat,’ Alec says.
‘He’s a shy cat,’ I say.
