I sigh. ‘I’ve been thinking about who I am. I’ve been so consumed with my unhappiness, I haven’t given time to others. I’ve been so selfish, so obsessed with my own feelings, that I’ve never stopped to consider anyone else.’
My call with Alice made me realise that. She told me about how excited she is to be getting married, and it made me realise that I haven’t thought about her and her life not once since I landed in Athens. I haven’t even got her a present, something to mark the occasion. My grief and guilt have consumed me.
‘I don’t want this to just be a holiday fling,’ I say, looking at him. ‘Or all of this to be some holiday epiphany. I want to change. I need to change. Everything.’
Sam says nothing. I rest my head against his shoulder.
‘I’m proud of you,’ he whispers.
‘Why?’
‘Because you know who you are.’ He brushes his fingers along my cheek. ‘And I’m so fucking proud of you for that.’
I hold his hand against my face, kissing his fingers.
‘It took some time.’
‘Got there in the end,’ Sam says.
To have him here again, to feel him, is all I need. I kiss him with a passion that has a pang of sadness to it, and he senses it, because he pulls me closer, his one hand slipping under my robe to touch my bare chest.
‘If you want to stay, truly want to stay, you can stay,’ Sam says. ‘I’d be stupid to let you go.’
‘Do you mean it?’
‘I mean it.’
Chapter Fifty
WILL
Day Sixteen
Clive keeps calling, but I keep ignoring him. As far as he’s concerned, I’m still down with something like the plague. Maybe sweating, as Sam and I’ve gone hiking in the middle of the day. It started out as a grey day, but soon the sun breaks through, and we regret all of our life choices.
Problem with a new member of staff.
Clive’s text also goes ignored.
We got out of the city, both of us needing some time away. Tourist season is still in full swing, though Sam’s counting down the days to September, when the season will change and visiting numbers will drop drastically. He gave me a ride on his Vespa, not a euphemism, and I clung tightly to his waist as he drove. I was sure we were going to fall off.
‘Where is this cave?’ I ask, as the sun beats down. I’m craving somewhere cold and dank.
‘It’s not too far now,’ Sam says, trailing ahead, his toned legs stomping over the uneven ground like it’s nothing. ‘Just keep an eye out for wolves.’
‘I’m sorry, what?’
Wolves were not on the agenda when Sam suggested we hike to Pan’s cave. We left the city in excitement, but I have to admit, my excitement is waning. It wanes even more now I’ve heard there might be wolves.
‘Nothing to worry about,’ Sam calls back, and I fear his voice will act as an attraction to the hungry wolves. ‘They mostly leave people alone.’
Mostly.
Since Sam and Lydia turned up at my hotel, things have been better for me. I thought I was giving myself solace, promising I’d get back out there, but in hindsight, I would have stayed reclusive until my flight home if they hadn’t shown up.
Still not on social media, I have seen no wedding updates. Instead, I’ve emailed Ollie and told him I won’t be at the wedding, that there’s no way I’m going to marry them. I got no response. So much for wanting us to be friends. I didn’t expect a reply. No doubt he’s trying to fix things with Alec. Finding someone else to step in.
Instead, I’ve resolved to enjoy my remaining days in Athens with Sam, while also trying to work out how to make a more permanent move.
