‘You won’t get any judgement from me.’
‘But?’ I can hear it in her tone; there’s definitely judgement.
Jill places her wine glass on the table with a diplomatic flair. ‘But if he’s happy…’
‘I know.’ It isn’t a lie. ‘Thing is, Jill, he’s been on my mind every day since he left me. And I don’t know… I just had this ridiculous idea that maybe he’d realise he’s making a mistake.’
‘But what if he isn’t?’
‘Been thinking that myself.’
‘He’s invited you because he wants you to celebrate his wedding, darling,’ Jill says. ‘Not because he wants you to ruin it.’
I sigh, my lip quivering. ‘I need closure.’
The word impresses Jill, because she lifts her glass. ‘To closure.’
‘To closure,’ I tap my glass against hers.
‘Closure,’ Sam mumbles, joining in.
‘But only closure, Will,’ Jill says, with a warning undertone. ‘I’m not your mother, but?—’
‘I know.’
Homewrecker. Ollie’s happiness. It doesn’t matter what I want. Not now.
I close my eyes, savouring the rich, fruity flavour of the wine. God, I could drink this like water. There’s something lethal about wine this good.
‘Do you keep in touch with anyone from school?’ Sam asks.
‘From our primary school?’ I laugh. ‘Not at all. Secondary school changed us all. Plus, we were always the weird kids, Sam. No one wanted to be seen with us in primary school, let alone secondary.’
Sam shakes his head, sniggering at the memory.
Cutlery clinks against plates as we finish the meal.
‘You guys just up and left,’ I say. ‘You left me.’
It’s meant to be a joke, but Jill’s expression softens into pity.
‘We left out of the blue, didn’t we?’ She sighs. ‘I can’t say it would have been our first choice. I felt bad for Sam.’
‘Why?’
‘He had you,’ Jill says.
Sam cocks an eyebrow, cheekily smiling. But he won’t meet my eye.
‘He asked about you for ages after we left,’ Jill says. ‘I never could give an answer. It was harder to stay in touch back then.’
‘I think I wrote you a letter,’ Sam says.
‘You did,’ Jill confirms. ‘Three or four, if I remember right.’
‘I never got them,’ I say. Maybe if I had I wouldn’t have withdrawn.
Did Sam think I was ignoring him? A childhood guilt that I didn’t know I had engulfs me. If only I could turn back time.
