‘I don’t like you knowing these things about me.’
Alice laughs. ‘Best friends know everything. Plus, Ollie told me once that it was enormous?—’
‘Yes, okay, enough.’ We can’t talk about this here. Not with all these people around me. I blush like everyone knows, but of course, nobody’s listening. This place is literally judgement free.
‘Chill, Will,’ Alice soothes. ‘Not all of us can be nude in Greece. Embrace it.’
‘How’re my plants?’ I ask.
‘Watered and thriving,’ Alice replies. ‘Now make like a tree and get naked.’
We say our goodbyes, leaving me to finish my breakfast and orange juice and avoid all eye contact. I stare at the table, zoning out. I amble out of the dining room as soon as I’ve swallowed my last bite, like I don’t care about anything. I’m so overdressed in a white vest and shorts that it’s making me self-conscious. Once out of sight, I practically run to Lydia, who has the reception phone pressed to her ear.
‘A nudist hotel?’ I gasp.
‘Yes?’ Lydia looks bored. ‘Don’t tell me you didn’t know.’
I shake my head and Lydia breaks out into laughter, hanging up on whoever she was on the phone with. Probably a guest. They ring back almost instantly, but she doesn’t bother picking up.
‘It’s why I doubted if you actually did mean ha penis. I wondered if halfway through typing your tragic tale you realised it was a nude hotel and you had to add ha, penis, halfway through.’ She almost cracks. I can almost hear the laughter begging to be released. ‘You can only be nude in certain areas.’ She gestures to the greater world outside. ‘Not out there. The lobby is clothing only.’
‘No, fine, I’m totally cool with this.’ I straighten up. ‘Yeah, nudity. Whatever.’ That’s why my voice is rising.
‘First time, I’m guessing.’
‘It might be.’
Lydia smirks.
‘I remember my first time.’
‘You’re a nudist?’ She’s in her uniform. Now that I know what hotel this is, maybe all the staff should be nude.
‘I dabble,’ Lydia says. ‘It’s scary at first, but you soon realise nobody cares.’
‘I can see that.’
‘Are you uncomfortable with nudity?’
Oh God. Now she thinks I’m some kind of nudephobe.
‘No, not at all, no.’ Looking around, I don’t know why it didn’t hit me sooner. The nude artwork on the walls, and the naked sculptures, which I originally thought were just part of Greek culture, kind of like all the history books depict.
‘A homewrecker and now you hate nudists.’
I point a finger at her, immediately regretting it. ‘I don’t hate nudists and I’ve reconsidered the whole homewrecking thing.’
Lydia sniffs. ‘You have?’
‘Yes, I have.’ My snooty tone is enough to make Lydia shake her head. ‘I don’t know what I was thinking and I have decided that I will simply speak with Ollie and move on with my life.’
‘Sounds like it’s overdue,’ Lydia mutters.
‘Sorry?’
‘If you want to find another hotel, I can help you,’ she says, turning to her computer. Her macabre game is back on the screen.
‘No, wait. It’s just that I wasn’t expecting it. I’ll adjust.’ Does she want rid of me or something?
