Because this? This was everything I’d ever wanted, and now I knew.
I had to let him go. Now. Before everything good got destroyed.
We didn’t have a future. There was no place in my life for him. And he had a completely different life at home that didn’t include an unhinged headteacher with bad friends and no idea how to actually…be this person I became with him.
Someone who was treated nicely. Who was hugged, like this. By someone like him.
“Let’s go,” he whispered.
I had no idea how I would. But he swung me up in his arms and carried me, and his one Croc, over to the buggy that whisked us off across the dunes.
Chapter 13
Noah
Iloved my parents, truly I did, but sometimes they were a little much. At other times? Like right now? I loved how well they could read, not only me and my ways, but situations. Which was why they had temporarily removed themselves from our breakfast table to have a little chat with another couple over on the terrace. New friends. Also? Friends that weren’t Fox’s gang of idiots.
Breakfast had so far been civilised and…educational. Some of the things my mother had mentioned made me see things in a new light. Fox was a nice guy, but also someone I truly didn’t know. He was insecure and let people walk all over him. And I could see why someone like Thomas, whom I also didn’t know, would have taken advantage. Made it into a situation where Fox had become completely blindsided and…hurt. Because that part was pretty clear. He would shrink a little further into himself with every word coming out of my mother’s mouth, but then she would sandwich those ugly truths with words of comfort. Tell him how handsome he was. How much stronger and better he was than to be that person he’d allowed himself to be. That he no longer was. I could almost fill in the thoughts in his head, where he fully believed he didn’t deserve any of that praise, and it showed.
Fox Riley was a mess, and even I, an imbecile when it came to reading other people’s emotions, could see that. He was still sunk into his chair, looking a little withdrawn.
“I’m really sorry about all of this, and Mum and Dad can be a bit…overbearing with the gossip. Thomas seems like a nasty piece of work, and obviously not someone who was good for you. Not that I would know, I’ve never had a proper relationship. I’m still navigating how to do things.” See? Here I was, talking rubbish, seemingly claiming expertise over something that was in no way going anywhere. Still pretending when this was all actual pretend. “Fox, you’re kind of brilliant. Don’t let shitty humans bring you down.”
“I don’t. I promise, I don’t. It’s just here, back with these people, I lose all my… I don’t know. I go back to being eight again, and I don’t know. I honestly don’t know why I do this. I’ve known Huw for what feels like all my life, and… I mean? Why has he not come to see if I’m all right?”
Truth, right there, and I could see where he was coming from. Friends looked after each other. And I wanted to scream at him, and say, if you just come home with me and let me look after you? I didn’t, though. Because that was insanity talking, right there. I was not insane. I was an adult and reasonable and calm.
“Because my mum has been giving them blow-by-blow updates of your savage ravaging of your rebound hook-up. That’s why.”
I didn’t sound bitter. Well. Maybe I was. But again? Truths. I needed to remember that.
“You’re…”
“Don’t lie, Fox. We both know what this is. And however lovely it is?”
“Yes,” he replied, suddenly looking absolutely destroyed. I couldn’t bear it. The way he sank into something so small, even smaller than before, when I’d seen him full of life. Confident and smiling. Letting me fuck him into the mattress, giving me… Fuck. Everything.
“Last night. Was that…” Okay. If I’d ever said I wasn’t my mother’s son? I was. I was inappropriate and forward, and my filter needed tuning.
“Your brilliant two-and-a-half minute blowjob that had me…” He stopped and looked nervously down at his hands. “I have no complaints. Zero.”
“Good.” I nodded. Fuck. What the hell, Noah?
“So, is there anything you’ve always wanted to do that you haven’t experienced? It is your birthday, and I don’t have a gift for you.” A small smile. And I jumped at it.
“Is that…”
“Yes, anything. Well, within reason. Tell me what you want, and I will gift it to you. You know, wrap myself up with a bow and everything.”
“Fox.”
“Noah. It’s your birthday. What is the one sexual thing you’ve never done but really want to do?”
I had to sigh, because…to be honest? I had no clue.
“There’s… I think I’m a bit…vanilla. I like to top. I like to bottom. Oral. I really like…you know. I’m not sure what else there is? And you…you know…”
“No, I don’t.” A cheeky little grin. I liked him so much better when he smiled.
