“Unless it’s a firm boundary for you, the douching thing. Lube is mine. Lots of it.”
I giggled. Tried to shake my head when I couldn’t. His fist in my hair. Bending my neck back.
“Don’t make big grand gestures for me, because I don’t expect them. I don’t expect anything, Fox. All I want is to spend some time with you to see if—”
He stopped. Pushed my head back against his chest. His lips in my hair.
Stupid idiot. Stupid giant-man-dude. I’d forgotten how big he was, since I’d mostly spent time with him being carried or lying down. This was new. The hugging. The way he held me. I liked it… No. Loved it. Fuck. This. All this.
“You’ll leave me on Sunday, and I’ll be a wreck again.”
“No. Because we can make more plans. Have a schedule.”
“Doesn’t work. I’ve done long distance before, and he cheated, that fuck-tard-Thomas. The whole thing was a mess, and afterwards, it made me paranoid and crazy. Hated it.”
“I’m not like that. I’m not Thomas. I don’t cheat, well. I’ve never been in a long-term relationship so…”
“I want exactly that, the long-term thing. I want to live together, permanently, and have kids and be… I want the whole fairytale, Noah. I know that’s even more crazy, but…”
“Don’t you think I want that?”
“It’s, like, our first date.”
“Is the timeline important? I think not. We’ve talked for weeks. We’ve already established that sexually…”
“We fucked…like constantly for two days.”
“And it was great.”
“You want kids?”
“Of course I want kids.”
“You’ve just had a prime example of what parenthood would be like. Grumpy, impossible teenagers who won’t do what they’re told.”
“Also, grumpy, impossible teenagers who just need someone to sit down and tell them that things will be fine. Life is rotten at times, but we all get there. We make it in the end, don’t we?”
“That’s an awful generalisation, Noah. Not all of us make it.”
“I know that. But a kid doesn’t have to know all the bad parts of life. They’ll figure things out on their own; all they need to know is that we’ve got their backs. That we love them.”
“You sound like we already have this figured out.”
“I’m forty, Fox. I’m at the point in life where these kinds of things aren’t such a big deal. Maybe you should take that kid in, give him a dad and a home?”
“I can’t do that. That would be breaking every possible professional boundary here. Just him turning up here is grounds for me reporting myself to our safeguarding committee and having the kid moved.”
“Fox. Don’t do that.”
“I will have to. I need to maintain a professional and safe distance here.”
“But is that what Bailey needs?”
“Noah.”
“Fox.”
I let go of him, just a little. “Our tea is going cold.”
