Noah
The last two hours flew by. Having done this part of the drive once before, I could relax and not have to concentrate so hard on where I was heading.
Home. I was heading home, to my Fox and the kid. Maybe our…child. A strange little dude whom I barely knew, but I wanted to. Because he didn’t have anyone, and now he had…us. And I hadn’t mentioned him to Mum and Dad, but I had a sneaky feeling that if this went well, and we got Bailey…Mum and Dad would be up here with a moving van in tow before we could even breathe out the word househunting.
Also? I had a sneaky feeling Dad already was. Far too many links on my phone and an obscene amount of talk of Scottish golf courses.
For the first time in my life? I thought I understood them. That family was important, and when you belonged to someone, like I belonged to them? It overtook…everything. And it made me quite emotional, driving along dark country roads, just me and my headlights, because I got it. I got all the phone calls, and the texts and the worries and the way they had always tried to get me to come along with them for outings and holidays and… Because we did belong. And life was better when we were together.
That now went for Fox and Bailey too. And I wasn’t going to cry, but I thought I did. A little sniffle driving through Inverary in the middle of the night. I spotted the chippy and smiled, knowing it would become somewhere I went. Where maybe I’d pop Bailey in the car and go pick up a takeaway for tea? A Sunday treat in the sunshine? Or a winter-pick-me-up wearing heavy coats. What also hit me, on a steep bend turning up the road towards Kilmartin, was the fact that I worried. All the time. I worried about Fox, was he sleeping ok? Was he eating? Was someone making him tea? Sorting out milk? Had he managed to get proper tea bags? I was morphing into my mum, and I had to roll down the windows to compose myself because I worried constantly that something would change. That our fragile little pipedream of having Bailey with us would simply burst. He’d get removed. His parents would want him back. I didn’t even know where his parents were. Why he was in care? I was so unprepared, and all the questions were in the air and fuck.
I needed to talk to Fox, and I needed…
They were standing at the gates, holding one gate open each as I rolled around the lane and put my indicators on. Left. And there it was. Fox smiling and Bailey jumping up and down, wearing childish pyjamas.
I knew where to park, got out and unfolded my stiff legs. Stretched my arms in the air and then caught Bailey mid-jump in the middle of the courtyard. I’d started running when he had, and here I was. His arms clamped around my neck and his little legs and me holding on for dear life.
“You’re back,” he said, letting a little giggle slip. “Spare dad.”
“I’m not a spare dad,” I grunted. “I’m going to dad you for that. Behave.”
“What you wanna be called then? I have Dad, and Dad Noah sounds lame.”
“I’ll just be Dad too.” I had to stop myself. What was I going along with here?
“You can’t both be Dad. How will you know which one I need?”
“We’ll figure it out.” I smiled, shoving him up higher onto my hip. So small. So slight, but he was happy, his whole body vibrating when he laughed. And here was my Fox, walking straight into my arm. A half embrace, trying to hold it all together, standing here in the cold, pitch-dark Scottish air and suddenly not having a worry in the world.
“I don’t have a job,” I said. Truth. Start on an honest baseline. “I’ll pay my way, and I’ll help with whatever you need me to.”
“You’re here,” he said. Fox. Face in my neck.
“Well, you need to get married now.”
“Yup.” Fox laughed. “It’s the rules. Bailey has it all planned out.”
“Yes, and we need another chair for the kitchen because there’s only two.”
“Good thinking.” I grinned. “I brought more teacups. We’ll have plenty now.”
“I like tea.” Bailey curled up against my shoulder.
“I do too,” I said. Then Fox took my hand.
“Lock the car. We’ll unpack tomorrow. It’s not like anyone’s going to break in around here.”
“Guess not,” I mumbled.
Damn, I was tired. Exhausted. And Bailey was heavy.
“Come on,” I said. “Let’s get inside, you lot.”
I tucked him in on the sofa, this little boy, who just smiled.
“We’ll have to go for a walk tomorrow, after your classes. Just talk a bit. Would that be okay?”
“Mmm,” he said, and turned over.
