“Ghosts are basically pure emotion,” DJ explains. “That’s what keeps them here, usually. The angrier or more traumatized they were when they died, the more likely they are to stick around, and their ectoplasm carries traces of that emotion. It gets inside you and amplifies everything you’re already feeling. Dials it up to eleven.”
Oh.
I guess I didn’t reach that part in my required reading yet.
“So this—” I gesture at my face. “This isn’t real?”
“It’s real,” DJ says. “The emotions are yours, but the ectoplasm just makes them louder—harder to control.”
At least there’s an explanation for why I feel like this. Why I keep thinking about Nico coming up here.
The want is so intense that I need to duck my face, because I’m scared DJ can see right through me. The emotions I’m feeling may be real, and there may be a teeny, tiny part of me that wants Nico to come here, but I need to be careful. I don’t want to lose this job by doing something stupid.
“If ghosts are only made of negative emotions, does ectoplasm only heighten negative emotions?” I ask.
“Depends,” DJ explains. “Whatever emotion is strongest in them is what gets cranked up in you. Morrow was driven by his need for Maeve, by this desperate longing to be loved, so if I had to guess, you’re feeling that.”
I wipe my nose on my sleeve, my brain finally catching up. “I was throwing up ectoplasm the morning I came here, but I don’t remember it being this intense.”
“The stronger the ghost, the more it affects you,” DJ continues. “Morrow’s powerful, and he force-fed you a lot of ectoplasm. You’re going to be feeling this for a while.”
Fan-fucking-tastic.
DJ shifts next to me, pressing her shoulder against mine so solidly that it warms. “It must have been scary, seeing Griffin like that.”
Of course it was scary. The ghost dragged him onto theceiling.
“I bet it was scary for Griffin, too, seeing that thing come for you. Even being on this mission with you today.”
“What do you mean?”
DJ’s quiet, and I can feel her choosing her words carefully. “He never told you about Bonnie, did he?”
I pick my head up. “You told me she was on the team.”
DJ settles back against the wall, untangling her fingers from my hair and pulling her knees up to her chest.
“She and Griffin had been dating since they were fourteen,” DJ says. “Bonnie couldn’t see ghosts, but when he joined the team, she moved in here with him. Donny gave her a job managing the books—eventually, she graduated to running comms for us on field missions. She was good at it—always knew exactly what to say to calm us down when things went sideways.” DJ swipes at her eyes with the heel of her hand. “She didn’t even see that ghost coming.”
The lump in my throat makes it hard to swallow. At least I knew what was happening when the ghost in my car came at me. At least I couldseeit.
“For the first couple months, Griffin visited her every week,” DJ continues. “He tried to explain to her who he was, who she was, but she wouldn’t believe him, and even got hysterical. The nurses thought it was better for her, if he didn’t…” She trails off, shaking her head. “It’s been six months. He’s trying to move on,but it’s hard to move on from someone when they’re still here, just… not them anymore.”
My chest aches so badly I press my palm against it, trying to push the feeling back down where it belongs.
“He was going to marry her,” DJ whispers.
The tears come harder now, and I don’t even try to stop them.
“That’s why he and I…” DJ makes a vague gesture between herself and the wall separating us from Griffin’s room. “He asked me to—he wanted to try, you know? To see if he could feel something for someone else.”
“And?”
“I never should have agreed.” DJ’s eyes are shining. “I was trying to help, but he was so broken up about it afterward—cried for, like, an hour. He’s in so much pain, every single day, and I just… I made it worse.”
“You were being a good friend. It wasn’t your fault.” I wipe my tears. “I could never move on from something like that.”
“He’s trying,” DJ says fiercely. “He’s trying to learn what it means to not be with her—which is, I think, why he’s been coming on to you—but it’s really, really hard for him.”
