Nico presses his comms button, his voice coming out steady even though his hands are shaking. “DJ. Griffin. Get in here. Bring the cleaning supplies.”
He’s so calm. Like he’s shut down every part of himself that’s capable of feeling anything, and all that’s left is the part that knows what needs to happen next. In the library, he told me he never feels anything at all, but it looks like something he can turn on at will.
It’s not long before I hear their feet pounding on the stairs. DJ bursts through the door first, and the sound that tears out of her throat is something I never want to hear again. Griffin rushes in behind her, and he takes one look at Donny before spinning around and cupping his hand over his mouth.
“We need to get him down,” Nico says. “Griffin, help me.”
But Griffin is retching onto the concrete, his body convulsing with the effort even though nothing comes out. He tries again, bending over with his hands on his knees, but all that comes up are choking sounds. DJ’s sobbing, and Nico’s standing there looking around like he’s realized he’s alone in this.
The look on his face guts me. I know that look. I’ve worn that look. It’s the one I get when I need to hold myself together, and I can’t let myself feel anything because if I start, I won’t be able to stop. Donny means everything to him. Donny’s the reason he’s alive, and now he’s gone, and Nico is forced to clean it up. Him saying he feels nothing was clearly a lie.
I can’t let him do this alone. He needs someone to be strong for him.
So I rush toward him and say, “Tell me what to do.”
Surprise flickers across his face before he nods. “There should be bolt cutters in Griffin’s bag.”
I rummage through the bag until my fingers find metal. The bolt cutters feel impossibly heavy as I bring them back, and I have to force myself not to look at Donny’s face.
“Hold his legs,” Nico instructs, already reaching for the chains.
I position myself under Donny’s right leg, gripping as tightly as I can. I bite down hard on my bottom lip because tears are already welling, and I can’t cry. Compared to Nico, I barely know Donny. I refuse to fall apart when he’s able to hold it together.
Metal cuts through metal with a deep snap. Donny’s body falls into my arms, and the paper nailed to his chest flutters. I brace myself for his weight, but there is none. His body is squishy and so light he could be hollow.
Nico and I lower Donny to the floor, and when I glance up at his face, I see tears glistening in his eyes before he blinks them away.
“What do we do now?” I ask.
“The police can’t find this scene.” Nico goes back to the bag. “If they investigate, they’ll find us, and our whole operation will be shut down.”
Right. The police also can’t findhim.
Nico drags over the cleaning kit from where Griffin dropped it on the floor, and we switch our gloves for latex ones to bleach the surfaces. The chemical burns my nostrils as I scrub the concrete. Nico makes sure DJ’s okay, even though she’s sitting in the corner bawling. He tells Griffin to drink some water after he finishes throwing up. I was wrong to think I had fractured the team. Nico is still holding it together. Seeing him shoulder the burden when he has nobody to holdhimtogether sends a stab of pain through my heart.
“I shouldn’t have told them to come up here,” Nico mutters under his breath. “I should’ve warned them.”
“Nothing you could have said would have really prepared them,” I say. “Do you want to warn Benji?”
Nico seems to consider his words for a couple of seconds before activating his earpiece. “Benj, I need you to listen to me very carefully.”
“What?” Benji’s voice is tiny and squeaky. I feel a lump forming in my throat, picturing him sitting in the van all by himself. “Why?”
Nico’s jaw clenches, a muscle feathering under his skin. He explains the situation, and Benji is completely silent on the other end of the line. I keep scrubbing until my arms burn and all signs that Donny was ever here are bagged up and ready to go.
The walk back to the van feels like it takes years. My brain keeps replaying the image of Donny hanging there, that note nailed into his chest.
LOVE FAILS.
Every shadow feels like it could be the Game Master waiting to jump out at us. I keep expecting something to happen, for thisto be the moment the trap springs shut, but nothing does. We walk through the empty building carrying our bags of cleaning supplies like a janitorial crew.
Nico and Griffin lift Donny into the van. Benji steps out of the driver’s seat, cupping both hands over his mouth.
“Take DJ and Benji back in your truck,” Nico tells Griffin. “I need you and Eden to stay separated. If Morrow comes after you, I don’t want you both in the same vehicle.”
Griffin nods, his face the color of old milk.
I climb into the passenger seat of the van. Everything feels wrong and distant, like I’m watching myself from outside my body.
