I’ve stared at her for hours now, through her surgery and until she awoke. She fights hard even though she is alone, separated from her family, unsure if they are still alive out there somewhere. I want to understand her conviction. I fight becauseI’m programmed to, but I feel like I’m just going through the motions most of the time.
I want to stop and check on her again, but it isn’t fair to have Holo patrolling the sky alone in a ship.
Diesel doesn’t even ask as I approach him. He keeps talking with Rhee and the other Titans and females seated on rocks around him. I stand outside their circle in a shadow as Diesel pulls a charge cable from his body and connects to a port in mine.
His generators spool up more powerful thanks to the new core and ultromotor upgrades his mate gave him. I hate that I need power from him. But a slow charge in the sun will take days for the kind of flight I do in a few hours.
I can't bring myself to eat much. I haven't had more than a few scraps a day since we crash-landed here. There's too much regret and grief in the way.
I should’ve been fighting for my Brothers, saving who I could, taking down Skysprinters. Something. Anything so fewer of our kind would’ve died.
“Thruster.” Diesel stands before me, encouraging me away from the others and into a private corner. My ultro spools in my chest as my body heats from the power Diesel’s dumping into my batteries.
“What is on your mind, Brother?” he asks. “This isn’t like you. You’re usually…happier.”
Diesel is a massive unit, one of the biggest, thicker around the middle than Savage, and taller than Fury with more muscle than even Drillbit. But he has to be indestructible. He’s likely our last charging unit, like I am the last of my kind, and so many of the rest of us.
“I’m fine.”
"No, you're not. Everyone can see it." Diesel squints his green eyes at me. "If you're compromised, we must send others so you can rest."
“No one else can do what I do. Holo is up there while I’m down here, but he should be here with you. I need to get back.”
"I know how that feels, Brother. I do. Being the only one with certain skills is a lot of weight."
I slump against the rock wall. “Yeah.”
Diesel tracks my gaze to Kelta. “Oh.”
“I burned her. It wasn’t on purpose.”
“I heard. Holo messaged.”
Of course, he did. Holo and Diesel were friends long before they were Wrecktanks and then Titans. "I expected to self-decommission. But I didn't. I feel like I should have."
Diesel unclips the charging cable from the port in my side when I’m back to 100 percent. “She’s alive because of you. So she got hurt. She would be food for sand beetles if you hadn’t done anything out of fear of temporary afflictions.”
That’s not it.
“You like her?”
“I lose control around her.”
Diesel leans a burly shoulder against the wall. "Like she's infected you with a virus? Are we talking about some Evo shit? Corrupted?"
I lift my hands, urging him to calm down. "Like she makes me burn too hot. I can't control my engines."
A grin cracks on his face. "You found a mate!"
“What? No! There’s no way this is how that’s supposed to go.”
Diesel grabs me by the shoulders and shakes me. “She fuels you! That’s the sign! I’m happy for you, Broth…”
“Diesel!”
“What?”
“Don’t tell the whole cavern that! I can’t fucking touch her! How can I ever be a good mate foranyone?”
