I have to distract myself, or I’m going to lose control.
“Where are you headed?” I smooth the gel and watch the split close up.
“Elix.” Zariah takes me by the chin and looks me over. Her hands work their way down my collar, finding all of my battle wounds, ones I didn’t care to heal. It would only make me more vulnerable to being captured and sold on the black market that her father was so active in. Plenty of aliens and humans hate me in that circle. “Jesus.”
“Stop, please.” I’m going to lose my sanity if she keeps this up. I zip up my leather jacket to the neck. There are some things I don’t want to talk about, like the scars her father gave me. I also don’t want her to know what happened to me after I escaped that spaceport.
“I didn’t mean to offend you,” she offers.
“It’s not that.” Sitting back on my heels, I put a little more space between us. “I’ve just been busy. My skin is sensitive right now.”
Zariah shifts her hips on the crate, evoking a maddening urge that’s putting my willpower to the test. Inside, I’m a trembling wreck. Years, I have dreamt of being close to her when I was onthe outskirts of space working a job. Now I’m in front of her, and everything I planned to say or do is shattered into fragments because my core is trying to take over.
I get it; she’s my mate. She’s a match, but for fuck’s sake, calm down.
“I’m finally going to get a vacation.”
“That’s great,” I offer, wondering if I can find a way to tag along.
She frowns. “My mother entered me into the Alien Bride Race.”
I slump back, my high plummeting so fast that it makes me nauseous.She’s going to find a mate, someone else?Dread tears through me like frozen claws.I have to find a way to make her change her mind about going.
“It was the last thing she did before she died.” She delicately rubs the paper between her fingers. She reads the entry information again and again, switching among expressions of endearment, confusion, and rejection.
“You’re going because she gave it to you.” All this time that we were on opposite sides of the law, I couldn’t bring myself to tell her I’d tried to kill her father while being madly in love with the girl who saved my life. I’m in knots and certain she’ll never look my way again.
This is what I deserve for leaving her behind.
She nods. Tears form in her eyes. Zariah sniffles and looks away. “But I never wanted this.”
I ache to comfort her. The pulsing heat in my spine is undeniable. I know what she is to me. I’m just not sure she feels it because she hasn’t given me any sign, even when I open my senses to her and listen. But she shows no physiological changes that would suggest she’s interested in me the way I am in her.
“The shuttle’s taking me to the Lunar base so I can get all my pre-checks done and make sure I’m cleared for entry.” Zariahwipes her eyes. “I keep telling myself it’s just going to be a vacation. I’m going to enjoy the real food, hot showers, and some games.”
“Isn’t thepointto find a mate?” I ask, wishing I could join her and hating myself for ever suggesting the race was about the one thing I don’t want.
“Inherently, sure. I just can’t,” she mumbles. “I have too many people counting on me to take time off to make babies for some a-hole that’s all show and no guts. These are dignitaries, princes, and lead warriors. They have armies and whole planets to support them. I have nothing. And I want nothing to do with a man that’s never really had any stardust in his teeth.”
A chuckle escapes me. “You have never watched it on the holovid have you?”
“Don’t have time. I often don’t have the service.”
“Doing lots of missions in deep space?” I prod.
She gives me a playful smirk. “Watching me?”
Yes. Every ping, every video feed. I’ve tried to catch you so many times.“Check in now and then. I’m out there too, you know. As a matter of fact, I just made two friends from ABR. Helped save the new king of Ferrim.”
“You’re kidding.”
I shrug. “Private security for hire. Clients like me because of my natural skills and because I prefer to stay undercover. I’m the backup measure. I watch from behind the shiny guards in gold plating. But I charge them what I’m worth.”
“Yeah.” She clutches her stomach like it hurts. “I wish I could.”
I touch her arm. “Zariah? What’s wrong?”
“Just hungry. Blew my credits on a toast to Mom. Didn’t get to finish my food before Lingon interrupted.
