“No, I meant emotionally dead. Like some of you.” I glance back in Menace’s direction.
Shifter glares back into the darkness behind us. “Menace does not like many of us, especially me. I think a lot of my Brothers don’t.”
“Maybe they just need to hear the truth. Tell them what you told me.”
He continues along beside me. “What makes you think anyone will listen?”
“Menace doesn’t likeanyone,” I offer. “Especially himself. I think you all need to have an ultro-to-ultro chat, especially before this final battle.”
“You think he doesn’t care about himself?”
“Takes one to know one,” I sigh. “But that doesn’t change the fact that Titans prefer the unadulterated truth. Honest admissions are a big part of that. Give them the facts and let them decide. Otherwise, they will make decisions based on what they know now and will ignore allopinions.”
“Do you not tell your truth and care for yourself because you worked for the enemy?” Shifter asks. He’s a bit bolder than I expected.
“Some of it is that. Bounty hunters’ enemies change from moment to moment because their alliances are based on accessing their objects of desire. That’s not who I am but who I worked for. Not by choice. None of it was by choice except surviving.”
“How did you?” he asks.
Behind us, Menace’s red glow breaks up the shadows. He’s curious.
“Played along, learned what I could, sabotaged what I could, survived to defy them and get back to my people. I was always guarding humans and Titans, mostly their cybernetic parts. I never cared what solcruean junkers and hunters did to solcruean officers or vice versa.
“Guilt is powerful, you know. It’s more the friends I tried to save but couldn’t because I wasn’t smart enough or fast enough. They turned to me for help, and I let them down. I was only able to save myself in the end. And that pisses me off. Anger is fuel when nothing else is left.”
Talking of past mistakes makes my throat ache and my headache worsen. “I couldn’t always think straight after the hunters fucked with my augments. Anyway, I’m sorry I yelled at you.”
Shifter shakes his head. “It’s not your fault. You protect your human Sisters like I protect my Titan Brothers. It’s not easy to see a human in trouble and call another Brother to help them. It feels like a cop out, like I’m lazy. I want to assist. I’m just starting to realize that I have no place among humans.”
The rejection in his voice breaks my heart. “You’re not the only one.”
He clenches his teeth so hard his jaw muscles dance. After a moment, he adds, “I was so excited to see all of you, just like my Brothers. Then to find out I didn’t comfort any of you, just hurt you—”
I nod. “Not your fault, but it still sucks. I get it. We just have to find a way to either smooth you out or make someone able to endure you.” Then I remember a set of gloves I’d found on a Skysprinter salvage mission a few days prior and fish them out of my bag. “Here, take these. Hopefully they fit. That should help for now.”
I hand him the gloves. Shifter thanks me like he can’t believe I’d give up something so precious. But they’re far too big for me, anyway.
I shrug. “I know what it’s like to be looked at like a monster. No one wants to get close because you’re too angry, dangerous, dirty, or messed up in the head.”
“What exactly happened to you?” he asks.
The shadows thrum in my mind with Menace’s frequency. I can practically feel his breath on my neck in the shadows that hug the back of our group.
“Bounty hunters aren’t known for their morals. They knew I was augmented. Tried to turn my brain into a scanner.”
“Ah, right.” Shifter puts the gloves on and rubs his hands together like he can’t get used to how they feel. “Is this what it’s like to have skin?”
“Not quite. But might be close to Titan synthskin. I wouldn’t really know. I’ve only handled your insides, never quite touched a Titan with synthskin.”
He hums a note of disappointment. “A few of us don’t have any, like Drillbit and me.”
“And me, lugnut,” Poppy snorts.
“Right. I apologize, Poppy,” Shifter says, keeping his head down.
She steadies her pack as she hikes over a boulder. The cavern rumbles. Rock pours from the ceiling behind us, shaking the cavern.
Menace stalks toward us, shaking off gravel and dust. His red eyes and badge swell the clouds with light. “They’re catching up. We need to move faster and stop talking.”
