With my eyes still on Mama, I touch the glass vial in my pocket. When Secora gave it to me an hour ago, I’d been so confident I wouldn’t need it. If it hadn’t caused her to spiral, I would’ve insisted she keep it.
Now, I’m debating whether to use it.
Anything at all, Elliot.
She’d want me to signal, and that’s exactly why I can’t. There isn’t a damn thing Mama can do tomethat would break me, but there are plenty she could do to Secora.
“You’re going to take this,” Mama says. She takes a stone pestle and grinds the herbs against their bowl. “Or I’m going to track that vile woman down and kill her like I should have twelve years ago.”
Red flares my vision, and magic pulses through me. My hands twitch with the sudden rush of power, and despite Mama’s focus on her work, she tracks the movement. She glares at my hands, then at me, even as tears streak down her face.
“You will not touch her,” I say. Magic pools in my hands, and I let the sensation build until I feel it everywhere.
Seconds.
That’s all it takes, and I feel sixteen again. My body shakesexactly like it did in that augur house, facing down yet another person I thought I trusted. I hold too much power in my body, and I’m struggling to remember why I don’t let it all out. Why I don’t destroy this entire fucked up building, taking me and Mama with it.
“Did you know I loved her?” I ask. My voice barely sounds like mine. It is too venomous, too lethal to truly belong to me. “When you denied her and betrayed her and sentenced her to death…did you know I loved her?”
“You were sixteen!” Mama shrieks. Her hands fumble the pestle, and it clatters to the floor. She makes no move to grab it, instead leaning forward on her palms to glare at me. “You didn’t know what love was! You were an impressionable child, and a Dark One saw your weakness and took advantage. She filled you with darkness until you could no longer feel the light. She convinced you tokillyour best friend, Elliot! She is amonster, and I cannot let her win.”
By the time she’s finished speaking, Mama’s chest is heaving and her hair has fallen loose around her face. She hardly looks like herself. She has come apart at the seams, and I’m forced to see her exactly as she is: a broken, angry woman, overtaken by hatred and fear.
Too many responses come to mind at once, and I’m temporarily stunned into silence.I loved her and I love her still, I could say. Or,she has only ever given me light.Or I could echo Margot and say,Secora is many things, but she is no monster.
Instead, I say the only thing that really matters:
“So, she wasn’t lying.” Because though I didn’t need it, Mama has just confirmed every memory Secora showed me. I loved her. I killed Harrison. Mama helped me get away with it, and she betrayed Secora to do it.
“I love you, Mama,” I say. I leave Secora’s vial untouched in my pocket, then lay both palms toward Mama. “I knoweverything you did was because you love me. That doesn’t make it okay, but I understand. So does Secora. If you truly want what’s best for me, don’t do this. Don’t try to steal her from me again. Don’t punish the vampires more than you already have. Come with me. I’ll show you?—”
Mama jerks back from the desk and bares her teeth at me. Despite the tears still drying on her face, something switches in her eyes. Gone is the desperate impulse of a mother, and here is the furious wrath of someone losing control.
“She’s infiltrated your mind again,” she hisses. “Made you confuse our enemies for innocents. You killed your best friend. Now, you advocate for the vampires. Your father’s murderers!”
“Killing them won’t bring him back!” I shove to my feet, leaving my hands on the desk. “Wiping my memories won’t change the truth! I killed Harrison and I love Secora Reed. If you want me to forget her, you’ll have to kill me. You’ll have to?—”
A violent eruption crashes against Mama’s door. The wood splinters, and fractured pieces spray across the room. I stumble backward as a cloud of black dust and magic rips through the remaining parts of the door. I’ve barely righted myself before a final explosion takes the door off its hinges. It’s no more than fallen against my chair than Secora is in the room, scrambling over the damaged wood.
“Secora—”
“You were supposed to signal,” she says, glaring as she rights herself. Blood covers the left side of her tights, and through the ripped fabric, I can see the edges of a nasty cut.
“Fuck, get behind me,” I growl, shoving her there before she has a chance to argue.
In the chaos of Secora’s entrance, Mama fell to the ground, but she’s already getting back to her feet. Her eyes widen as she catches a glimpse of Secora, and a hideous smile claims her mouth.
“I always hoped I’d get another chance,” Mama says. Her arms lift, palms stretched for Secora.
“Don’t, Mama!” I yell. “Don’t make me choose!”
Because it won’t be you, is the silent end to my sentence. Unspoken, and yet the room quiets as everyone hears it.
“Move, Elliot,” Secora whispers. She’s already shoving past, arms raised to take on the same woman who betrayed her too many times.
The next ten seconds are pure, unfiltered chaos. There’s no time to process or plan, to pause or demand logic. I can only watch as Mama and Secora’s magic collide.
Secora screams as she does unseen damage to Mama’s mind. Mama’s eyes roll back in her head, and yet somehow, she fights still. A flare of her palms, and she sends Secora back against the bookshelves in a violent thrust. I don’t know how badly she’s hurt. She might have hit her head, or Mama might have done far worse than just throw her.
