Margot Blake is an absolute angel. She’s only ever been kind tome, only ever done her best to include me, to chase away those who are mean to me. She broke up with Harrison because of me, even though she won’t admit it.
I wonder if he’ll be here tonight.
I don’t see him. I’m sitting back at the trees, leaned against the wide base of one. It’s only a matter of time before Margot notices I’m back here and begs me to join the party. I hope she doesn’t. I hope she has the best birthday of her life and is too busy with her friends to realize her spare sister is in the shadows, lurking like an uninvited guest.
Margot’s friends tolerate me. I’m not delusional enough to believe they like me, though they pretend. There’s only one person in our school who seems to enjoy my presence, and I’ve spent too much of tonight hoping he’ll appear.
He probably won’t come. I know Harrison wasn’t invited, so maybe they’re off doing something together. It’s strange knowing they’re friends. Best friends. Close enough that it’s been years since Harrison openly tormented me. At first, I assumed it was to win back Margot, but even once that door fully closed, Harrison kept his distance.
Because of Elliot, I’ve realized, not Margot.
I settle deeper against the tree. I’m comfortable enough I could fall asleep—not that I’m stupid enough to do that. Just because Harrison isn’t here, doesn’t mean none of my tormentors are. If they think they can get away with kicking dirt in my mouth while I sleep, they will.
I scan the shoreline, looking. There are nearly fifty people here, most people from our class, but some are older. They showed up with large jugs of dark liquid. It took me an embarrassing amount of time to realize they’d brought alcohol. And now, the majority of guests are drunk.
If they’re worried an adult might stumble upon this party, they sure don’t show it.
Margot may have had more to drink than anyone. She’s currentlysitting on Preston Wright’s shoulders, pumping her arms to the booming music. She’s smiling. Laughing. And that alone makes me feel better about coming.
I’m still watching her when a group of guys show up. They’re singing a birthday song to her, voices loud and undoubtedly drunk.
I find Elliot immediately. He’s always been tall for his age, and he’s almost a head taller than the other boys. I scan through the faces of his friends, shoulders relaxing when I confirm Harrison isn’t with them.
Margot claps and hollers as they approach, shimmying off Preston’s shoulders to meet the group of boys. They hug and chat, and I feel pathetic watching from the shadows.
It’s my own fault. If I forced myself over there, Margot would be nothing but kind. And maybe, if I played it just right, this party could mark the night other people accepted me too. Maybe I could finally fit in. Make friends. Be happy.
I tuck my knees to my chest.
“Pathetic,” I whisper. Because even now, I know I’m not going over there. I can too easily imagine everyone’s faces if I did. Some would be annoyed, some angry, but the most hurtful would be the ones who were scared. The nice kids, who stay away not because they hate me, but because they’re terrified I’ll kill them.
The group of guys disperses through the party, until it’s only Elliot and Margot together. They’d make a lovely couple. She’s tall enough he’d barely have to lean to kiss her. And they’re both unjustly beautiful and kind and?—
Oh no.
Margot points over at me, and Elliot’s head snaps my way. He lifts a hand, and it takes all my nerve just to wave back. A beautiful grin stretches over his features. Waving was a mistake. Now he’s coming over here.
Out of pity. Out of mercy. I don’t know.
My stomach twists into a hideous knot. Because, yes, I’m an undeniable outcast, sitting alone at a party. That’s fine. Doable. Normal.
Elliot witnessing this and pitying it is so, so much worse.
“Hey Secora,” he says. He’s smiling as he reaches me, words slurring softly. There’s a slight haze over his eyes, like he’s perfectly intoxicated. “I didn’t think you’d be here.”
“Margot invited me,” I say. My voice is rushed, defensive. I can’t help it, just like I can’t help the flare of blush that scours my cheeks.
“I know,” he says. He laughs, and it soothes something in my chest. “I figured you wouldn’t want to come. If I’d known you were coming, I would’ve been here sooner.”
My face burns hotter.
“You don’t have to look out for me,” I say. I untangle my knees from my chest, hoping it makes me look less pathetic. “No one has bothered me. I promise.”
“I like looking out for you,” he says. He sits in the dirt beside me with far less grace than he normally would. He bumps against my side, and his face is too close to mine. It’s impossible to think straight.
“I know,” I say. I gently ease back, creating much-needed distance. “But you don’t have to. You should be having fun with everyone else. I’m okay. I promise.”
“Maybe I’d rather have fun with you,” he says. His lips tilt lazily, and his eyes roam over my face.
