I slide a hand up her skirt, trailing up the thick tights until I reach her damp center. She’s fucking soaked for me. Ready. As desperate to be fucked as I am to fuck her.
“Can I?—”
“Stop.”
Cold dread washes over me, and several things happen atonce. I pull my hand from the warmth between her legs. I slide her off my lap, keeping a hand on her shoulder when she wavers. Her eyes are still dark with desire, her lips swollen and red. She’s breathing almost as hard as I am.
“We can,” she says. “I just need to tell?—”
I shove backward, knocking over her carefully built wall. Reality crashes over me, over what I’ve just done.
Whether I kissed this woman when we were kids or not…that was before. Before she killed Harrison. Before she aided the vampires. Before she became a monster.
And I was moments away from fucking her in this tent.
I collapse on my side, and this time, it’s Cora who moves toward me.
“Stay there,” I say, and she freezes. I hold a hand up, as if she’s a threat.
Dammit. Sheisa threat.
“Elliot–”
“No,” I say. I’m horrified. Nauseated. Wishing I could undo every second that led to this moment. I knew better than this. Not just kissing her, but putting myself in this position. Having her close to me and smelling perfect and giving me those rare smiles…
Cora’s face falls. The same lip I just had between my teeth juts out, trembling, like she’s about to cry. And I can’t take it. The warring emotions inside me. The way I hate her for what she did. The way I hate myself for bringing that look to her face. I want to skin myself for making her sad. I want to skin myself for being anywhere near her.
“Please,” I say. I collapse forward, head against my knees. My breath is ragged as I look up at her. “Please, Cora. I can’t take it. I need them back. I need to understand. You…you’re destroying me.”
Tears stream down her cheeks, but I know what she’s goingto say. She’ll give vague answers. Barter another deal. Tell me she will once she’s gotten Mama’s ingredient for the curse.
I’m expecting anything but the stiff nod she gives me.
“Okay, Elliot,” she whispers. Her entire body is shaking as she repeats, “Okay.”
20
JUST THIS ONCE
CORA
Elliot sits on one side of my pathetic—and clearly ineffective—wall, and I sit on the other. The memory stone rests between us, and I force myself to solely focus on it. Elliot hasn’t spoken a word since I started readying it, lining the ingredients one by one. The first of the two jars lies in my lap, still capped.
The memory lashes against the glass, and it’s how I imagine my pulse must look right now. My stomach is in my throat. My hands shake like they never have.
“I have a condition,” I say. I keep my attention steady on the memory stone, but I don’t miss the way Elliot stiffens.
In the back of my mind, I can’t help wondering if I knew this would happen. If I knew from the moment I made that deal with Elliot, I’d give him everything back. Maybe part of me has always felt rotten for what I did, and this was the inevitable end. I would show Elliot everything I stole, and he would…what, exactly?
I close my eyes and force a deep breath.
“What’s the condition, Cora?” he asks. His voice sounds as stiff as his posture looks.
I keep my eyes closed.
“I’ll show you everything. Give you everything, even the memories back at my quarters,” I say. My voice wavers, growing shakier with each word. “Then, you decide. You can keep it, or give it back. If you give it back, we’ll never do this again. Okay?”
Elliot is quiet for so long, I have no choice but to open my eyes. I stare down at the stone, at the carefully straight line of mermaid scales. Beyond it, I can see the edge of Elliot’s knees. Dirt stains his pants from when he was knelt on the ground, putting up our tent. He props forward, tilting, as if to force himself into my line of vision.
