I opened the web browser on my phone and searched for a therapist who specialized in relationship issues. As the results filled the screen, I told myself this wasn’t just about getting Lila back. I needed to understand how I had become someone who ignored her pain and made her cry. The version of me that had stood in my living room last night wasn’t someone I liked very much.
If Lila ever gave me another chance, I wanted to be the man she should’ve had all along.
9
LILA
Iarrived on set early the following morning after barely sleeping. The sky was still a soft gray when I walked into the HMU trailer and turned on the lights at my station. I wanted to be the first one here because I needed the extra time to pull myself together.
I sat down in front of the mirror and started doing my own makeup. My hands moved on autopilot, blending concealer under my eyes, covering the purple smudges and masking the puffiness. I stared at my reflection as I worked, carefully building a version of myself that looked put-together and professional. It took every ounce of my abilities to make sure I didn’t resemble someone who had just spent half the night crying.
But it was necessary because I needed to be here. Work felt safer. It gave me structure and purpose. People expected things from me here, and I couldn’t afford to fall apart.
Once my face was done, I immediately threw myself into preparing the stations. I organized palettes, checked product inventory, reviewed the shooting schedule, and kept myself moving from one task to the next.
Sitting still meant thinking, and that meant remembering Reid. I couldn’t afford either right now.
One of the assistant coordinators walked in and paused. “You look tired, Lila. Everything okay?”
“Yup, just a busy night.” I pasted on a smile.
And I kept it there because I was good at this. I could make other people feel beautiful even when I felt wrecked inside.
Except I found that it was much harder to do when my heart was broken, and the future I longed for was no more. I made it through my first chair time without anyone being the wiser, but Jade noticed me zoning out while doing her makeup.
“Earth to Lila.”
She tapped my wrist, and I shook my head to clear it. “Sorry, just debating if I should do another pass of volumizing mascara to enhance the cat-eye effect.”
Luckily, she accepted my excuse with a smile. “You’re the expert, but I vote yes.”
Later, when Leah came in after an emotional scene, I gently fixed her mascara where tears had caused it to run. I worked carefully, soothing her with light touches until she looked camera-ready again. All the while, I tried to ignore the irony of being much better at putting other people back together than I was at fixing myself.
By midmorning, I realized I hadn’t checked my phone in over an hour. For the first time since yesterday, a small flicker of relief passed through me.
Then during a short break between scenes, it rang. Kinsley’s name lit up the screen. I’d tried calling her last night a few times, but she hadn’t picked up. So I’d just sent a quick text asking her to call me today.
I answered, trying to keep my voice steady. “Hey.”
My best friend knew me well enough to guess that something was wrong. “Are you okay?”
“Define okay,” I quickly replied.
“Lila.”
I closed my eyes. “Give me ten minutes. I can’t really talk where I’m at.”
“You’d better call me back in ten minutes, or I’m going to be headed to the damn airport to fly across the country and hunt you down,” she threatened.
“That won’t be necessary.” Although I almost wished it was because I could use a hug from her right about now.
I took the shuttle to the crew parking lot, climbed in my car to ensure complete privacy, and called her back. The moment I heard her voice, everything poured out.
Kinsley’s response was immediate. “Are you kidding me? I guess I’m getting that flight home after all.”
I let out a watery laugh. “You can’t do that. They need you on set, or everyone’s going to look awful in the movie, and you’ll never live it down.”
“She still has jokes. That’s a good sign.”
