Axe shook his head, grousing without looking at me while taking long strides out the door.
I turned around, uncertain how I felt.
“Viper. Wait.”
I’d expected that. Maybe this was when he told me I was fired. “Yes, sir.”
He leaned over his desk. “As you’ve already seen, the group is tight. I’m not making excuses for Axe. He has his own cross to bear and I thought he was finished with self-doubt and the blame game, but I guess I was wrong. However, he’s not the onlyone at fault here. I don’t know the circumstances behind what happened with you and I don’t need to know. What I do need is for you realize and accept that you could be one of the best smokejumpers this or any team has seen. But you can’t get there with the boulder you have on your shoulder. Not gonna happen.”
I bristled and he raised his eyebrows.
“That’s what I’m talking about right there. The anger. The insistence everyone blames you for every bad thing that’s ever happened. Yes, you’re going to hear some shit. You were in prison. You killed a man. However, only you can break the mold of allowing every comment to bother you. When you can brush it off, no one will say a damn thing any longer. Go find some joy. There must be something you’re looking forward to doing outside of work.”
Exhaling, I mulled over his recommendation and the first thought that rushed into my mind?
Grace.
“Yeah, there is.”
He smiled out of relief. “Good. Then get out of here. Go home and find your soul. At least that’s what my wife tells me. I’m serious about the class. You’ll be coordinating that with Landen. I’ll have him come talk to you.”
“I’ll do my best, sir. Thank you.”
“Glad to hear it.”
As I walked back to the locker room, I was surprised that instead of getting continued shit from the men, a couple offered nods of respect. The hatchet was missing, but I found it inside my lockeron the top shelf. Maybe the captain was right and it was time to begin chiseling the heavy rock weighing me down.
After I was dressed, I wasn’t interested in being confronted by anyone else, but I found Landen by my truck when I walked outside.
With a heavy sigh, I prepared myself for another lecture. “Mr. Weaver. I mean Landen.”
“Viper. I heard what you did today.”
My response was typical. I huffed, prepared to shut down so I didn’t need to explain myself.
“With the adaptation of a HALO jump. Now, given I’ve been jumping for a long time, I can tell you how dangerous the stunt you pulled was.”
As soon as my body stiffened, he moved closer.
“Wait a minute. Just wait a damn minute. However, the captain is right. We can incorporate the technique and cut our time.”
“Yes, sir.”
“And who knows, I’m an old guy in comparison but maybe one day I’ll do a higher altitude jump with you.”
The request surprised me. “That would be great.”
“Alright. We talk tomorrow. I want a class prepared by the end of the week. Enough time?”
“Enough time.”
“Excellent.”
He started to walk away and something possessed me to ask him a question. “Why did you quit being a smokejumper? I mean you train, but actively working in the field. I heard you’re a legend.”
“A legend. That makes me feel very old. The answer is that I have a family. And my wife couldn’t take the pressure any longer. My family means everything to me. And no, she didn’t ask me to quit. It was time. I wasn’t the same man any longer.”
“Understood.”
