“We apologize, but with the wind speed and direction, our helicopters are unable to fly near the fire. But as you can see, the flames rage on.”
Fuck. The last picture was taken sometime just after sunset. While I’d been going down memory lane, he’d been risking his life.
To save mine and countless others.
I sat down on the bed, yanking an old stuffed bear into my arms. What if something happened to him? What if I wasn’t given a chance to tell him how I felt? Wait a minute. How did I feel? I wasn’t certain I had words for the series of emotions that had sparked fury and contempt, desire and sadness.
The man had run the entire gamut of pushing my limits.
And I was already thinking of him in the past tense. What the hell was wrong with me? While I left the television on, I got back to work, yanking the stupid yearbooks I’d kept off the bookshelf. Why my youthful, inexperienced self had believed I’d ever want to see the freakshow of my junior high and high school years was beyond me.
Most were immediately tossed into the trash, but I chose one randomly, plopping down on the bed and flipping through several pages. My God. We all looked terrible. At least I wasn’t the only one.
I continued turning the pages, going through my class of cretins, laughing harder with every goofy photograph. Whew, the hairstyles were horrific. I also had no clue why any of the boys had seemed attractive. As I fell back on the bed, little feet caught my attention, two dogs joining me by bounding on the bed.
“There you guys are. I thought you’d forgotten about me.” As I was on the receiving end of lots of kisses and tail wags, I was able to laugh more easily. There was something special about having two pups in the house. “I know, babies. It’s getting late. Why don’t we go outside for our last walk? How about that?”
Woof.
Sailor announced his pleasure, crouching down on his front paws with his butt high in the air. He was much happier than only a few days before and had gained seven pounds.
“You are adorable. However, I think your daddy is feeding you a little too much steak.”
Woof. Woof!
Ellie’s May’s bark was a question, wondering I wasn’t doing the same with her.
“Don’t you gang up on me.” Yet they did, jumping and licking, their barks becoming incessant. As soon as they started to calm down, I stared up at the ceiling, doing what I’d tried not to do for hours.
Thinking about him.
My limbs were as heavy as my heart. Oh, why was I doing this to myself. Finally forcing myself into a sitting position, I fisted my eyes, more frustrated than before. Even the wine that was making everything else fuzzy wasn’t able to drive my anxiety away.
I headed downstairs, the dogs nearly knocking me to the first floor. I barely got the door open before they flew past me.
“Don’t go too far!” As if they were paying any attention. I shoved my feet into shoes, yawning as I walked out into the night air. The humidity was thicker than earlier in the day, clammy residue almost instantly covering my naked arms. Yet there was an instant of a flash of light behind a dark cloak of clouds. Lightning. A storm was following the Clark Fork River, which the reporter had reminded everyone watching was at the base of Mount Sentinel.
While any rain might help, an electric storm would do the opposite. With the dogs romping near, I moved away from the house and the line of taller trees until I had a clearer line of sight toward the mountain. Even from several miles away, I could still see an orange glow in the sky.
Along with another array of emotions came a sense of suffocation. How could any significant other handle their lover risking their lives every time a fire exploded?
What had been a light breeze before was now whipping across the landscape and if I’d been keen on horror movies, the sudden flapping sound behind me would scare me to death. Instead, the only thing on my mind was Viper’s safe return.
Although the reason I wasn’t running scared crowded out the morbid imagination cratering my mind. There were plenty of loose pieces of siding everywhere, an easy project Viper was trying to tackle.
Viper. I had to think about him again.
After a full two minutes of mental torture, I forced myself to look away, eager to shut the world out for a little while. Not that I’d be able to sleep, but maybe dreams would abate the sickening feeling pooling in my stomach.
“Come on, guys. Let’s go inside.” Maybe the ominous atmosphere was kooky enough to bother them as both dogs came running. Chuckling, I moved toward the porch when a different noise caught my attention. Just like before.
With a slow turn of my head, I brushed hair from my face to catch sight of something in the distance.
My eyes might be playing tricks on me, but I could swear what I was looking at was a tiny little light.
More like a small orange flame.
Made from the flicker of a lighter.
