My eyebrows shot up.The sweat was cooling rapidly on my skin, and I knew I'd be chilled soon if I stayed still."I'm sorry, and theysmelledme to determine that?Even though I'm not abaya?"I untied the sleeves of my jumpsuit and shrugged them on, as Araxis tracked my movements through those pretty lashes of his.
"For abaya, gender isn't cultural; it's innate.Foundational in a way that applies to all species."
If my eyebrows could have gone higher, they would have."Soyourgenders apply to…everyone.And you can just tell by smelling people.Anyperson at all, from one end of the known universe to the other."
Araxis coloured, looking away as I ran a hand through my sweat-damp curls."It sounds foolish, yes.Some believe abayan genders are rooted in pheromones that translate across species.Others have suggested – and I think this is much more likely – that there is something in us, as abaya, that is triggered when we meet members of different species and see who they are; we know how to understand them.If an abaya met a brin xandai, for example, their body would recognize the brinasxandai and create the corresponding sensory impression.We interpret others through our reactionstothem."
Huh."So everyone in the whole universe fits in your system, then?Yours is the… right one?"If gender imperialism could be a thing…
Araxis trilled then, amused for a reason I couldn't quite fathom."Everyone fits, yes, though that is by design: skoshas applies to any who do not fall within any of the other genders.In that way, everyonemustfit within the system, as even those who do not are folded into its structure."
My mind was struggling to keep up.I knew there were hundreds of ways of understanding gender, but this was a new one."Yeah, I can see how that would cover all the bases.And the kids said I'm virra?What's that?"
The amusement fell away."It was unacceptable for the children to come here and speak with you like that.It ismassivelyinappropriate to tell someone their gender if they're not abaya.Of course someone might ask, but we aren't meant to… force it upon anyone."
That felt like he was dodging my question.I shifted closer, tilting my head to get a good look at his face.IthoughtI was learning to read it, at least a little."But they're right – you agree.This is me asking, by the way, so it's notmassively inappropriateto answer."
The pink flush was back again.This close, and under these lights, I could see how, when pink crept up to his cheeks, the slight sheen of his skin darkened along the subtle pattern of scales, like a memory of a texture you wouldn't feel.Or maybe you would.I'd have to touch him to know, and – even with my mind reeling from this conversation – I very much wanted to.
"It is not about agreeing," Araxis said finally, his hands sliding to rest in the small of his back.His top was nearly sheer, and I could almost make our the pale skin of his chest beneath the bright lights overhead."It's… the fact of who you are.Youarevirra."Then, still looking away, he added almost shyly, "I have not met anyone who is quite so virra as you."
Was I imagining his shoulders angling toward me, just a little?He looked at me through his thick lashes, and my stomach twisted with pleasure – and anticipation.I nibbled on the inside of my lower lip, trying desperately to keep my mind on this conversation instead of losing myselftothe heated pullthat urgedme to reach out and touch the flush along his cheeks, to feel his smooth skin under my palm.
I'd asked him back on the shuttle if gender was part of attraction for abaya, and Araxis had said that it was.
He'd come and watched me every night for a week.He'd given me a free ride to the Thenat cluster.He'd been kind and generous, shy and flustered.
Apparently Araxis's type was virra.That explained a few things.
"And whatisit?What does it mean?"I asked, curious.
"It is difficult to explain, but I will try, Sashen."His fingers toyed with the looped tie at his trim waist."Virra are good at speaking to others, at…" He swallowed."Hm, at getting what they want.They're persuasive, warm, charming."
"I don't mind the sound of that," I said slowly, watching Araxis very carefully.
His mouth curved."They're a bit dangerous, because they're so… alluring.And they tend to be quite voracious.They – Hm."Araxis stopped, shifting back on his heels.He cleared his throat, a soft sound in a room that suddenly felt about three times smaller, as if it were just the two of us locked in close proximity, and then he took a step away, ostensibly to fiddle with a loose door on a storage compartment.
I see you, I thought.I see what you're saying.
"Voracious is an interesting word," I observed."Do you mean that they fuck a lot of people?"
The line of Araxis's spine stiffened immediately.He said nothing, and I let the question crackle in the air between us, not in any rush to get the answer I knew was coming.
"Ihavefucked a lot of people," I said."Is that bad?"It might seem that way, to someone as shy and isolated as Araxis.For people like abaya who were apparently pretty sexually repressed.
He looked back at me, surprised."Of course not.You're virra – and you areveryvirra.It is who you are."
So it sounded, more or less, like my gender washot slut.And that was something I was sure Seraphim would agree with.
I snorted, gathering up my swords and Araxis's jacket.The heat I'd felt just a moment before, the crackle between me and Araxis, was gone.All I could think about was Seraphim and the poison they'd been sure to get into me, and how long I'd worked to get it out.I wondered if I'd ever be able to purge it entirely.Doubtful.
I didn't want to think about Seraphim.I really didn't want to think that they might have been right when they saw something in me, something they calledevilindelibly etched into who I was.Foundational.
Araxis watched me packing up, and the colour left his cheeks."I have said something to upset you."A soft, whining sound left his throat, humming beneath his words – distress?
"No, it's fine.It's just – itwasbad where I grew up."I clutched Araxis's jacket to my chest, my swords bundled inside, holding them tight enough to ease some of the pressure buildingbeneath my ribs."It was bad that I liked boys.It was bad that I liked aliens.It was bad that I thought about sex.It was bad that I wanted tohavesex.It was all bad, and I was, you know, broken and awful and disgusting for all of that.It's just – I don't know, it's strange to think that a whole species can smell me and know all the things about who I am that I tried to hide for so long."
The thin whining, almost a trill, continued as Araxis listened."It's not bad to be virra in our culture," he said."Virra are treasured, cherished.A virra who declares for a house brings status and respect; declared virra are honoured by all houses.To win a virra's steadfast attention and devotion is… it is the achievement of one's lifetime."
