Araxis stared at me, the skin around his eyes tight."Did I know what?"
"That I'm in the samestupidTournament?Fuck!" It punched out of me, a ragged shout, and I turned and threw my swords in a violent clatter across the empty space, scrubbing my hands up my face, tangling my fingers in my hair, walking as far away as I could.
He couldn't –
I wouldn't –
And it wasn't just about me.If he didn't win, those children would die.They couldn't hide forever; no one could, not even in a universe this big.I was proof of that.But how could I evendreamof winning, if that meant killing him and killing Talvi, Adrathi, Sadin?
"Oh mygod,"I cried, furious.And then, impossibly, I started to laugh.It tore from me, raw and ragged, mad.It tasted like shards of glass.
Behind me, I could hear Araxis move."Sashen," he said, gently,sogently.
"Oh, no, it'sfine," I said, tears trickling down over my cheeks.I felt scraped to sinew.Broken."Whatever.I wasn't going to make it anyway.I was never going to make it.This is it, my mess.Maybe I can watch your back or something, I don't know.It's fine.Who fucking cares."
"Sashen," he said again, and his hand touched my arm.
This time, it didn't feel like electricity; his touch stung, sharp and bright, and I jerked away.
"I did not know," he lied.
I didn't know he was lying then, of course.I heard his soft voice, and I believed him with all of my heart.I believed him like an absolute fool.If I'd known then that he was lying, if I'd had a single moment of skepticism, I might have adjusted my expectations for him accordingly.I might have guarded my heart a little more closely.
But then, it didn't even occur to me that he might lie: I trusted him in the way I trusted gravity as a law of the universe.How could I not?
"I thought… I thought it likely that Alet Trident had sent you to gather information, to better the den's odds for the betting pools.I didn't imagine you would compete when you have a job.Why would you ever compete, my dancer?"His hand touched me again, and this time I didn't pull away, though I could feel myself trembling, a leaf caught in the wind."I wondered if you were going to send her information about me."
"And you didn't care?"I asked blearily, still swiping away tears.My throat was tight; it feltalmostbruised.I couldn't catch my breath."You told meso much, Araxis."
"I trusted you to keep secret what needed to be secret.Itrustyou, Sashen.The rest wouldn't have mattered.I must win.Why would I care what the odds are when viewers place their bets?Now that you know – andIknow – Vivith is right.We can make a plan."
"There won'tbea plan, not for me."I turned finally to look at him.His subvocals keened as hetook me in, hand lifting to touch my cheek, to brush away the teardrops still caught in my eyelashes that made all the lights go fuzzy."Idon'thave a job, not any more.Seraphim filed a debt claim for me, for the first fifteen years of my stupid life, and it'ssomuch.Alet wouldn't pay – what a shitty investment, right?– and so they were going to come for me.They stillwill.I thought, why the fuck not enter this stupid thing?Either I win and I can buy out my debt, or I die and then I'm free of it that way."
Araxis brushed my face again, tender."How much?"
I fell silent.I knew what he was doing.
"It's not your problem to fix," I said, voice thick.
"It is my pleasure to care for you in this way," he murmured."Do you have the claim?"When I nodded, he leanedcloseand pressed a kiss to my cheek.His crest brushed against my temple, feather-light."Good.Send it to me.The prize is substantial.I will pay your debt when I win."
He couldn't.Hecouldn't."You'll need it for the Concord."He'd said that much.
Araxis shook his head, his quills rustling, just slightly, his perfect braid looser and more relaxed than usual after our morning together.He reached and brushed a curl from my face, tender."We will sit with Vivith, and we will plan.You will not die in that arena, Sashen, and you will not go back to a place that does not cherish you.Come.We will drink tea and make a plan, and then we will go back to my room and the world outside will fall away."
What could I do but nod and follow where he led?
Vivith might have creeped me the fuck out, but it was true: theyweregood at planning.Idon’tknow what else I expected from someone who'd managed to steal three eggs in transit to another creche, plucking them out from under the nose of a much more powerful family.We sat in the dining room, a particularly smoky teasteepingin a pot between us.Vivith had pulled up a hidden panel in the middle of the table, and a shimmering blue display hovered in the air.They sat, spindly legs jutting up, one long arm holding their knees as they flicked at a wristband, pulling up text I was too bleary to focus on.Araxis had pushed our cushions next to one another, so that when I sat down, I was pressed against him.He curled one arm around my lower back, holding me tight, and then he told Vivith what I had shared.
They seemed unbothered by Araxis's quiet declaration that he would settle the debt claim against me.I'd already sent it to him, and though he had blinked several times when he saw the total, his resolve hadn't faltered.
I remembered that I had mused that one of the ways out of this shit situation might be if some rich alien found me impressive enough to buy out my debt and add me to some sexy space menagerie.What, exactly, I might owe Araxis after this – if he somehow managed to be successful and I managed to survive – was beyond the ability for my brain to process at the moment.Iwasscraped raw, dizzy, and it was only his arm holding me that gave me any sense of stability at all.
Vivith flicked their spindly hand above their wrist, and the display in the middle of the table flashed with columns of numbers."Alliances in the arena are not unheard of: you will see they slightly better the odds for the top-ranked competitor.Though," they tapped their wrist again, "in these instances they ended in betrayal, and in these –" several numbers flared green, "the competitors ended up killing each other.Viewing numbers are particularly strong when there is an alliance."They said it with the weight of significance.
My head was tucked against Araxis's shoulder, resting."Why does that matter?"
"Did youreadyour contract?"Vivith sniped."Or is reading beyond your capabilities?"
