In truth, flirting with her while floating around the pole in time with the music that throbbed through the air made me feel like I'd skipped back in time to a few weeks ago.It was like shrugging on one of my ugly, worn out sweaters.Except that, as I caught a glimpse of the silver cameras buzzing overhead, as different sets of hungry eyes shiftedmy way, I realized that it was almost like I'd never noticed how that much that sweater itched or how tight and uncomfortable the collar was.
Maybe Ididn'tlike this after all.Araxis had asked if I'd wanted to be a dancer, and I hadn't really understood: after all, what else had there been?And I really hadn't minded my work – I liked dancing; I liked feeling strong and capable; I liked beingdesired– but right then, in that moment, I thought that if I got to choose again, it would have been something else.
Not that there was much else for me to choose from.
Anyway, it wasn't the time or place for me to have a career crisis, especially not when I was being filmed from fifty-seven angles while I was also upside down and holding myself so precisely that I could feel each separate muscle in my torso engage.
I let myself flip down, catching the pole with my thigh near the base of the platform, and the gaanith dancer made a happy sound."Very nice," she said as I swung myself off the pole and dropped down from the platform."You have good core strength, and your lines are lovely."
I fluttered my eyelashes and made some mindless comments while I shrugged back into my blouse, casting a quick glance around the room to see if I could catch anyone watching.But of course I wasn't looking foranyone: I wanted to know if Araxis was watching, if he had seen me.The dancer was cozied in tight, her head craning up to look at me as her slitted pupils reflected back the oscillating lights overhead; I glanced over the top of her head across the room, and then my stare fell on a pair of black eyes.
My heart stuttered in my chest as I saw Araxis's pale face.He was speaking quietly with some marn representing a major sponsor, a drink held close to his chest, but his eyes werepinnedon me and that stare – even across the distance of the room – was pure heat.
I forced myself to look away as my pulse picked up, my mouth suddenly dry."Thanks again," I said brightly."I should probably go talk to some of the sponsors or something, although I'd rather hang out with you all night."
Her spiny ears fluttered again as she lifted herself back to the platform."Find me after, if you're free," she said with a little wink, and then she was back to twirling around the pole and scaling it like it wasn't any harder than going for a stroll.
I moved away, searching for another server so I could get a fresh drink in my hand.It didn't take me long to track one down while my nerves continued to thrum inside of my body.When I allowed myself to look back to where I'd seen Araxis, he was gone, and I let the star-fire burst of anticipation burn brighter.
I took a sip of my drink, finding a little nook by one of the columns where the crowd wasn't quite so thick but I could still watch the gaanith dancer.At least seeing her perform helped take my mind off the jittery feeling beneath my ribs.She'd launched herself into a slow sequence of controlled flips, which was impressive to the untrained eye and evenmoreimpressive to the trained one, when the air behind me shifted.I sucked in a breath, heart fluttering, but when I turned, it was the other human who'd sidled up and was squinting at me from his craggy face.
"Oh," I said, smile slipping for just a moment before I righted it.I switched out of Standard andinto English, herding my thoughts reluctantly to my first language."It's Grigor, right?"
He had a square, heavily stubbled jaw and a nose that looked like it had been broken a few times, with pale skin that was washed out under the pulsing blue and purple lights from above."Don't you lookpretty," he sneered in a low, rumbling voice, looking me up and down as his lip curled.
Ah, so it was going to be like that.This man wasn't the first human I'd seen since leaving Seraphim – they featured prominently in pit fights, and sometimes Trident would bring some in to spice things up for a night or two in the den when certain clients would be on-station – and his reaction was one I'd encountered before.After all, you could take the man out of Seraphim, but you couldn't always take the backwater prejudice out of his heart, or whatever.
I looked him over as well: he was wearing a green jumpsuit, which was clean but utilitarian and clearly his own; over his heart was a patch with a mining drill, the words Grace Mining and a series of numbers below.
I knew those numbers.I knew the verses they referred to.
Any of the anticipation I'd been feeling at seeing Araxis curdled into sludge in my stomach.I wished suddenly that I hadn't picked up a drink and that the sugar wasn't lingering, syrupy and saccharine, on my tongue.
Why would Seraphim send someone to compete?That didn't make any sense.They hated the big, bad galaxy beyond their station and colony; Seraphim had been determined to minister to the space heathens and, when they realized the universe didn't align with their scripture and the aliens didn't want to open their hearts to an Earth god anyway, they'd locked things down and decided to keep interactions to a bare minimum.
Going on galactic television for a violent and glorious spectacle didn't quite fit.Grigorhardly looked likeDaniel in a pit of lions; he looked more like a lion in a pit of… more lions.
I tilted my head back so that as I looked down at Grigor, it was down my nose and with my eyes half-lidded.I let my attention drift over him with measured scrutiny."Sorry," I drawled."You're really not my type."
His face tightened in disgust."Listen here," he said, prowling in closer."You and I are due to have some words.So why don't you shut that filthy little mouth of yours and –"
"Thinking about my mouth, are you?"I asked, forcing myself to nonchalance even as a surge of adrenaline kickedoff inside my body.I didn't let myself take a step back, even with Grigor standing so close."It's just not going to happen."
His eyes narrowed, glittering with something dangerous."I thought you might have some shame, you know.Shame means you know what you're doing is wrong, but you just crawled uponthat pole like a whore, debasing yourself for everyone to see –"
"Oh,fuckoff," I said sharply, anger flaring hot-white inside of me.He was, all at once, so many horrible people who I'd known, who'd hurt me and gotten inside of my head, people who would have seen me scour myself bloody in an attempt to get the sin out."You're right, Iama shameless whore, so unless you're planning to pay me for my time, you can go bother someone who gives a shit about your opinion on literally anything."
I recognized, distantly, that we were causing a bit of a scene.I caught a glimpse of a silver camera whirling closer; the gaanith dancer had let herself down from her pole and had her head tilted in concern while she watched Grigor and I glaring at once another; the other guests at the event had drifted further away so that there was now a delineated circle of space around us.My pulse was thundering in my ears, beginning to drown out the music with itsownviolent song, and I wanted, suddenly and fiercely, to grab this grimy man by his lapels and throw him to the ground and then stomp on hisfucking face.The violent urge was there, bright and alluring.His fists curledat his sides, my hands tensingin response.
"You," Grigor said, voice low and dark, "are going tolisten, Alikander Lane, or you're going to bemadeto listen –"
"What did you fucking call me?"I hissed, and then I felt afirmhand on my elbow.I went to shake it off, but the grip grewmore insistent, tugging.I half-turned to see who had touched me; Araxis stood there – poised and upright, his eyes such an endless black that some part of my soul tippedinto them.
It was enough for the fury to drain off, just a little.
"I understand that I should not interrupt," he said in precise Standard, "But it would be poor form for two participants to be disqualified at an event with sponsors in attendance."He released my elbow and tucked his hands carefully behind his back.
I sucked in a hard breath and glanced back at Grigor – but he'd already melted into the crowd."Right," I said numbly."You're right, of course, thanks.And we wonder why humans don't get invited to parties."I chased it with a laugh that felt hollow, and looked at Araxis –myAraxis, standing there – and suddenly I couldn't think of anything else to say.
