I trudged back up to the room and was surprised to find Will there, waiting for me.
“Will?” I was immediately consumed with concern, afraid something had happened.
He looked up and gave me the saddest eyes I’d ever seen.
“You want to talk about it?” he asked quietly.
“Talk? Talk about what?” My heart pounded like thunder in my ears. There was no way he could know, right? And it wasn’t as if he knew all about my hang-ups about Allan.
He cocked his head and gave me alook.
“About the article. You’ve been out of sorts all morning and I don’t think it was because your date with Trent went badly. Based on the time you snuck in this morning, I think it’s safe to say that went pretty well.”
Color flooded my cheeks. I hadn’t realized he’d been awake, and I wondered if Madison had also been pretending to sleep after I returned from my walk of shame.
“Will,” I said with a sigh. But I didn’t know where to go with the conversation. It wasn’t exactly something I wanted to discuss with my pre-teenage son.
“You like him, Dad, so I don’t know why you’re making this into a bigger deal than it needs to be. And I know there are people comparing you to his dead husband, but do you thinkTrentis comparing you to him? Or do you think he likes you, for you?”
His question made me pause. Of course, I didn’t think Trent was comparing me to Allan.
“I think you need to talk to him. Isn’t that what you and Mom try to tell me? That when I have a problem the best thing to do is to sit down and talk about it.” He let out a sigh. “I might be young, but I understand that you don’t want to be hurt. I get it. I get it hurt when Mom left but Trent isn’t Mom. Just like you aren’t Allan. And no one is expecting anything more than for you both to just be yourself.”
I carded my hand through my hair and let out a growl of frustration.
“You don’t understand. Hell, I barely understand. But I know Trent isn’t your mom. She and I split up because she didn’t like the lifestyle and because we were just too different. It’s not the same thing as with Trent, not that there is anything with Trent.
“You’re right,” Will pushed back, “it’s not the same thing. Trent’s husbanddied. But that was years ago and he’s moving on and wants to move on withyou. Meanwhile, you haven’t dated at all since the divorce. Mom moved on, Trent is trying to, but you’re the only one not willing to budge, Dad.”
“I can’t.”
Will crossed his arms over his chest and gave me a one over.
“Is it because of the articles or because he’s a guy?”
“What?” I asked, shocked. The question hit me like a slap to the face. I’d been openly bi since I was sixteen but once I got married and then had Will, it seemed like a moot point. But maybe I hadn’t been as open with Will as I thought I’d been. Or maybe he was just looking to get a reaction out of me.
“You heard me.”
Little shit.
“Of course, it’s not because he’s a guy. I dated plenty of guys before your mom and I met.” The raised eyebrow made me realize maybe Ihadn’tbeen that open with him, but then he was so young when the divorce happened, I hadn’t been sure how to have that conversation with him.
“Trent isn’t the one comparing you to Allan, Dad. It’s the press. Andyou. Honestly, I think you’re harder on yourself in the comparison department than anyone else. Because even the press isn’t doing it in a negative way. I read the article. Maybe you should, too.”
Will turned around and went to walk out of the room, as though he hadn’t just thrown a bomb into my life.
“Oh, and you wouldn’t have to worry about him not wanting to be a part of the lifestyle, because ya’ll are already in it—together. So maybe that should be your Father’s Day gift this year, letting yourself be happy.”
Shit. Was there anything worse in life than your kid being right?
I sat on the bed, head in my hands. There was a lot I needed to think through and sort out. But I didn’t know where to start.
But Will was right, I had read the article and it hadn’t been bad. And Trent had never done or said anything to make me feel like he was comparing me to Allan, whether at work or when we were together out of work including our date.
That was all me. I was the one guilty as sin.
Now, I just needed to figure out what I really wanted and then go for it.
