Had I done or said anything to make her think there was something between Gage and me? Did Gage?
As far as I knew, they had never really talked other than a few words in passing. And even if they did say more than a cursory greeting, I couldn’t see Gage saying anything to indicate there was something there between us. Especially considering it was something neither one of us had ever talked about.
Because I wasn’t a complete idiot. I knew there was a spark there with Gage. The fluttering in my chest at the mere thought of him was one of the biggest giveaways. But we had both been through so much the last few years and we both had kids to think about.
They needed to come first instead of thinking with our dicks.
“I’m sorry.” Madison’s soft voice snapped me out of my thoughts and my eyes swept the room to find her.
When my eyes landed on her, hugging the corner of the wall, the look on her face made my heart break. She had her eyes down, unable to look me in the eye, as she nervously bit her lip.
“Oh honey, you have nothing to be sorry for.” I motioned her to come over and she fell onto my lap, head buried in my chest as she wrapped her arms around me.
I kissed the top of her head and moved her long, silky chestnut curls from her face. But she still refused to look at me.
“What’s wrong, baby?” I ran my hands up and down her back, hating that I didn’t know what was wrong or how to soothe her. The way she clung to me made me think. “Is this about Dad?” My voice hitched and my eyes fell closed, thinking about how much I wished Allen was here with us.
Then, an image of Gage grinning at me during the previous night’s interview flashed through my thoughts and an uneasy guilt flooded my system.
“I shouldn’t have brought him up,” came her muffled reply. “I didn’t want to ruin the party tonight. Or throw Dad at you when I asked about Gage.”
My thoughts seemed to be just as jumbled as my daughter’s and instead of trying to think of a reply, I held her tight.
“What did you mean about Gage?” I hadn’t meant to ask, but the words forced themselves out of my mouth. I had to know why she brought him up like that.
Madison let out a sigh. As she loosened her death grip on my neck, I eased her back to try and get a good look at her. But she still wouldn’t look me in the eye.
“Mads, sweetheart, you know that what I had with Dad is different than what I have with Trent, right? Trent isn’t here to replace him in our lives. Wejustwork together. That’s it.”
Even if that was something I had to keep reminding myself about. Trent wasn’t Allen. He wasn’t mine. And despite the obvious sexual tension, I wasn’t even sure if he was even into men.
“But youlikeeach other,” Madison said, biting her lip. “It’s obvious from the way you two look at each other.” She let out a sigh and slid off my lap and at on the ottoman in front of the couch.
“Mads—”
“No,” she said with a shake of her head. “Let me finish.”
I looked at her, wary of whatever it was she had to say, but nodded and spread my hands out in defeat.
She took a few deep breaths, and I wondered if it was to collect her thoughts or to work up the nerve to whatever she wanted to say.
I felt like I wanted to puke. This wasn’t a conversation I wanted to have with anyone, let alone my thirteen-year-old daughter. This shouldn’t be on her shoulders. But obviously it was something she was worried about, and I didn’t want to be dismissive of her thoughts and feelings.
So, like any good parent, I had to suck up what I wanted and try to do what I thought was best for my kid.
“I just want you to be happy.” The huff she let out hinted that might not be exactly true, but her words shook me.
“Iamhappy, Mads.”
She shot me a look and shook her head, a sad smile marring her face.
“Just…I don’t know. I won’t sit here and pretend to know about love and all that.” She made a face that let me know she thought the whole topic was gross and I couldn’t help the grin that tugged at the corner of my lips. “But I knowyou. I want you to be happy. And Dad would want you to be happy. Just, ugh. Don’t ignore something, or someone, because you’re too busy worrying about everything and everyone else. Including me.”
Madison shrugged. “And Gage is nice. You could definitely do worse.”
I shook my head in disbelief.
“Well, thank you Miss Williamson for your permission to be happy,” I told her with a chuckle. “I appreciate the sentiment, but there is nothing between Gage and I.” I paused, thinking about how this conversation had ping ponged all over the place. “And there’s nolook,” I said firmly.
