“Oh, God, yes, Daddy.” I came hard in my hand, my vision blacking out around the edges. My breath came out in short pants as the water cooled on my back.
I quickly washed and rinsed away any evidence of my shame. I’d never made myself come so hard before. Not over a guy who I was never going to see again, who had made it clear when he left without a word that he wanted nothing to do with me.
Fuck. My. Life.
It was fine. Everything was fine. I could go about my life. Move on and forget him.
A heavy sigh settled into my chest without my consent as Ipulled my clothes on, barely even noticing what I had pulled out of my closet. I felt like a robot as I got dressed, barely registering my movements.
“Fuck.” Just as I was leaving the bedroom, I rushed back into the bathroom and threw open the medicine cabinet. I stared at the pill bottles on the shelf, my throat working, unable to swallow the lump that had formed.
Tears stung my eyes as I cursed Nate, even if it wasn’t his fault. Of course he would have had questions about the scars.
I grabbed the bottles and tossed back the pills, hoping it would keep the panic at bay, despite the fact I knew it was unlikely. Things had been worse the last couple days since meeting Nate, since he asked about the scars.
Even though it had been a long time since I’d been a victim, my brain still forgot sometimes.
Closing my eyes, I shook off the thoughts. They didn’t do anyone any good, especially me. And it wasn’t even like Nate had stuck around to learn anything real about me. Which, yeah, sucked, but it was probably for the best.
Once he learned how much of a basket case I was, he’d leave. Everyone left. Not that I could blame them. No one should have to be saddled with my metric shit ton of baggage.
I glanced up into the mirror as I closed the door and grimaced.
Shouldn’t have done that. I looked like shit. Couldn’t be helped, though. The nightmares had been worse the last few days. I’d actually been surprised I’d slept through the night with Nate.
Huh.
In the kitchen, I slammed the freezer door closed after I grabbed two waffles and angrily tossed them in the toaster.
Man, he was such an asshole for putting that thought in my head. And then he had the nerve toleave.
Fuck him.
No, fuck me. I need Daddy to fuck me until I can’t move or think.
I let out a groan as I leaned against the counter, knocking my head against the cabinet. Maybe if I did it enough times, I’d knock some sense into my brain.
The man was gone. It was a one-time thing and I needed to forget him. To forget the impulse to track him down and make him mine for real.
Because that was all my dumpster fire of a life needed, for the man I had a one-night stand with to press charges for me stalking and harassing him.
I grabbed a plate and fork, spinning it in my hands as I thought about ways I could try to find him and possibly make it seem like I ran into him by accident. He gave me his name, so it wouldn’t be out of the realm of possibilities to look him up and see what I could find.
No. He left. If he wanted more, he would have stayed. Or left a note. Something.
I sighed as I cut my breakfast and drenched it in syrup. If I couldn’t have him, then the sugar high would have to do. Glancing at the clock, I saw that the time had gotten away from me with all my maudlin thoughts, so I shoved the last few bites of food in my mouth and tossed my dishes in the sink.
When I got to my front door, I almost walked out without my keys, badge, and gun. I was on a fucking roll.
“Jesus Christ.”
I needed to get it together. I couldn’t let a man get to me like that. It was a one-night stand. He’d made no promises or anything, so I needed to stop acting like a high schooler who had been ditched by his prom date.
There were too many people counting on me to do my fucking job for me to act like an asshole.
After taking a few deep breaths, I got my shit together—literally and figuratively—and drove to the precinct, where I hoped it wouldn’t be a nonstop day. With Victoria on vacationhousesitting and babysitting for her cousin while she was on her honeymoon, that left me on rotation.
It wasn’t that I didn’t like partnering with the other guys. It was just that they weren’tmypartner. Though, I was usually left on my own, unless I was filling in for someone else who was out sick. It wasn’t too bad, just usually boring. We didn’t have many active cases, and none that had a lot of active leads, which meant I was stuck playing gopher.
