Or near, rather.
No! I had to stop rationalizing what I’d found.
But I also had to get back to work, so I slipped my phone back into my pocket and started knocking on doors. Even though I knew no one would answer for the police.
29
NATHAN
Imight have had very little experience in dealing with people, and even less when it came to relationships, but even I knew it was never a good thing when your boyfriend said you needed to talk and then brushed you off.
Okay. I knew he didn’t brush me off. He was at work.
Hunting a serial killer.
No, he was huntingme.
We’d been avoiding each other the last few days. It didn’t bode well for our relationship, or for my anxiety over whether or not he suspected me of being the killer after our run-in at the office earlier in the week.
Fuck. I hated lying to him. But there was no way I could tell my homicide detective boyfriend the truth. I didn’t even want to imagine how that conversation would go.
But I did know how it would end. With me in prison for life.
He had to know.
So, that begged the question, what was I still doing in town? Why hadn’t I fled? There were safe houses I had prepped all over the country. I could easily flee.
It all came down to Aiden.
I couldn’t leave him. Just the thought made my chest feel tight, like I couldn’t breathe.
There had to be a way to get him to accept me. But I knew it would be impossible. The ethics violation of his job alone would keep him bound to the law and turning me in. No matter how much I wished to the contrary, his whole life didn’t revolve around me and he wouldn’t choose me.
Even if I would choose him.
Though, maybe I could figure out a way to get him to quit. I had enough money that he didn’t need to work. Hell, I didn’t need to work. It wasn’t like I did much of the work; it was more like overseeing—making sure the things I wanted to get done actually got done. And that they were done correctly.
Of course, that didn’t solve the problem with hismorals, but it would solve the problem with the ethics of his job.
Who was I kidding? He’d never go for it. As soon as he had confirmation, he’d think I was a monster.
He’dknowI was a monster.
Despite the fact it had only been a couple of days since I’d killed, my skin felt tight and itchy. The kill hadn’t been satisfying at all, even though I’d killed someone who had dared to touch my little bird and made him uncomfortable. I had thought he would have been the most satisfying.
Instead, I felt empty.
I’d killed for Aiden, but I could never tell him about it. He could never know what I did for him. But I wasn’t stupid enough to believe he’d never find out, even if he wasn’t the one working the guy’s case. He was smart. Finding killers was his job, so did I really think the two of us could have a forever, especially one where he never knew the truth?
The thought was nothing but a fantasy.
But I couldn’t kill him. I should. But I couldn’t. I’d alreadyproven that time and time again. I set my little bird free every time I’d set my sights on him.
Frustrated from the lack of thrill from the kill, my thoughts drifted back to Aiden, and the knowledge that one day I might have to kill him, even if it killed me.
No. I knew I couldn’t do it. I’d already proven that fact. For whatever reason, I couldn’t touch him.
The war raged within me. This kaleidoscope of fear, doubt, and even what I dared to hope was love. But it was all crashing down on me. And I was powerless to stop it because even though I had the means to escape, I no longer had the will. Not when it meant leaving my little bird behind.
