“I can’t remember the last time I got this much sleep.”
“Does that mean you’re not scared of me?”
“No,” I answer quickly. “I mean, yes. I’m not scared of you.”
He raises an eyebrow. “Not anymore,” I correct myself.
Even before I knew the true story about my brothers, I’d stopped fully believing that Leks had anything to do with it. Maybe that was wishful thinking, that I didn’t want to believe that he could make me feel like this while also being the man who destroyed my family.
“At first?”
“Well, you’re basically the first man I’ve ever been alone in a room with, you love to punch people with your fists and sustain head injuries as a hobby. And you’re like, six feet tall.”
“Six six.”
“So yes, I was scared of you at first.”
I push his chest but he catches my hand and laces his fingers with mine.
“You scared me too,zolotse. I never thought we could have something real, but I wanted it so much. I wanted the impossible so fucking much that it hurt.”
“It was never impossible,” I remind him. Hell, if Leks had touched me on our wedding night, maybe I would have melted for him the way I’m melting now.
“It still scares me,” he admits. “I don’t know what I’d do without you. I haven’t been afraid of much in my life. But the thoughts I have about you terrify me.”
I know what he means. I nod my head, resting my hands on his chest and reminding myself that Leks is right here, that he’s okay.
“I’m not going anywhere.”
He nods, lacing his fingers with mine.
“God, I want you.”
I hear a note that I’ve never heard in the deep rumble of his voice.
A plea. Of desperation. Or vulnerability.
Leks has hidden so much from me but I know that, if nothing else, he’s not lying when he says he wants me.
Desire thrums to life under my skin as he traces his fingersover my spine.
“At first I thought it was just about having you to spite them. But now I know it’s something more.“
There goes my heart again, getting carried away because of his words.
I’d let myself believe that Leks wanted me…but it’s been a long time since I’ve hoped that he might want something more than just sex.
There’s a long beat where Leks just looks at me, his face serious.
“I’ve never felt anything like this before, Natalia.”
Is Leks saying what I think he’s saying?
I’ve never felt anything like this, but I assumed that it was normal, that people went around feeling this kind of thing every day and I’d just never had the chance to experience it.
“Me neither,” I mouth my reply against his jaw, scared to look up and see the emotion on his face. It feels like we’re standing at the edge of the dock, about to jump into unfathomably deep waters.
“I don’t know what to do about it.” His hands tighten around me.
