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'And how much profit do you expect to scavenge as you massage us from hatched to dispatched?'
'You can't put a price on human happiness, Next. Political and economic uncertainty are the two biggest forms of stress. You'll be pleased to know that the Goliath Cheerfulness Index has reached a four-year high this morning at 9.13.'
'Out of a hundred?' asked Landen sarcastically.
'Out of ten, Mr Parke-Laine,' Schitt-Hawse replied testily. 'The nation has grown beyond all measure under our guidance.'
'Growth purely for its own sake is the philosophy of cancer, Schitt-Hawse.'
His face dropped and he stared at us for a moment, doubtless wondering how best to continue.
'So,' I said politely, 'out to watch the mammoths?'
'Goliath don't watch mammoths, Next. There's no profit in it. Have you met my associates Mr Chalk and Mr Cheese?'
I looked at his two gorilla-like lackeys. They were immaculately dressed, had impeccably trimmed goatees, and stared at me through impenetrable dark glasses.
'Which is which?' I asked
'I'm Cheese,' said Cheese
'I'm Chalk,' said Chalk.
'When is he going to ask you about Jack Schitt?' asked Landen in an unsubtly loud whisper.
'Pretty soon,' I replied.
Schitt-Hawse shook his head sadly. He opened the briefcase Mr Chalk was holding and inside, nestled in the carefully cut foam innards, lay a copy of The Poems of Edgar Allan Poe.
'You left Jack imprisoned in this copy of The Raven. Goliath need him out to face a disciplinary board on charges of embezzlement, Goliath contractual irregularities, misuse of the Corporation's leisure facilities, missing stationery … and crimes against humanity.'
'Oh yes?' I asked. 'Why not just leave him in?'
Schitt-Hawse sighed and stared at me.
'Listen, Next. We need Jack out of here, and believe me, we'll manage it.'
'Not with my help.'
Schitt-Hawse stared silently at me for a moment.
'Goliath is not used to being refused. We asked your uncle to build another Prose Portal. He told us to come back in a month's time. We understand he left on retirement last night. Destination?'
'Not a clue.'
Mycroft had retired, it seemed, not out of choice but out of necessity. I smiled. Goliath had been hoodwinked and they didn't like it.
'Without the Portal,' I told him, 'I can't jump into books any more than Mr Chalk can.'
Chalk shuffled slightly as I mentioned his name.
'You're lying,' replied Schitt-Hawse 'The ineptness card doesn't work on us. You defeated Hades, Jack Schitt and the Goliath Corporation. We have a great deal of admiration for you. Goliath has been more than fair given the circumstances, and we would hate for you to become a victim of corporate impatience.'
'Corporate impatience? What's that, some sort of threat?'
'This unhelpful attitude of yours might make me vindictive – and you wouldn't like me when I get vindictive.'
'I don't like you when you're not vindictive.'
