She craved his company, but she was not ready to give that craving a name. She was lonely, and he was someone she could talk to freely about things she was afraid to talk to others about.
That was the only feeling she was willing to admit to.
They were co-conspirators. He was helping her and Tomek escape this hell, and she was helping him by collecting information about others who could be rescued alongside them.
"Something what?" he prompted.
"I'm still figuring that out. The boy I knew was funny and kind, and he was my friend. Our friendship was simple, uncomplicated, despite everything going on around us. You are still kind and funny, but you are also a soldier who has been through hell and done things I cannot imagine and don't even want to. You hide things from me, and I don't blame you for that. I know that you can't tell me everything, and some of it is to protect me. But that means I can't just pour my heart out to you and expect you to lend me your shoulder."
"My shoulder is always at your service." He turned sideways, lowering one shoulder to demonstrate.
She rolled her eyes. "You know what I mean. When you ask me what about you, the honest answer is that I don't know yet because I am just getting to know you again."
His expression turned serious again. "I understand. It's all right."
She let out a breath. She had not realized how tightly she had been holding herself until she let it out.
Tomek's voice rose from across the yard, complaining about the girl ruining his sand structure. Sullha turned to look at him to make sure he was not crying, and he wasn't. He and the girl were rebuilding whatever she'd messed up.
When Sullha turned back to Yaaf, she found him watching her with the same careful attention.
"Whatever burdens you carry," he said, "I will be happy to carry them for you, and I will never use anything you tell me against you. You are safe with me."
She gazed into those blue, familiar eyes and saw the truth in them.
"I know."
"I'm sorry that there are things I need to keep from you."
She smiled. "That's okay. I don't tell you everything either, and not because I'm afraid of what you will do or anything. I assume the things you keep from me don't affect me, that you have no reason to tell me. I don't want you to think that the secrets you carry are creating walls between us."
He looked at her, then he looked at the playground, retreating inside himself again. His expression had that distant quality about it, as if his mind had stepped out for a moment to conduct a private consultation with himself, while his body stayed on the bench like a shell waiting for the thing that animated it to return.
He hadn't done anything like that when they'd been growing up together. He'd always been present, but he'd gone through a lot during the past five years, and so had she, and she could understand that sometimes he needed a little time to gather his thoughts.
She waited.
Across the yard in the sandbox, the girl was getting tired of helping Tomek with the structure, but he was oblivious to her displeasure and kept issuing orders.
Yaaf drew in a long breath, turned to her, and his eyes refocused on her face.
"I am going to share something with you," he said quietly. "It's a big secret. A dangerous secret. You can't tell anyone, and I willhave to make sure that you don't do that even by accident, which means I'll have to manipulate your mind a little."
She didn't like the idea of him entering her mind, but she was too curious to tell him to keep his secret.
"You've shared with me your escape plan, which is a very big deal, and you didn't say anything about entering my mind to ensure my secrecy. Why this?"
"What I'm about to tell you is bigger than the escape. So, is it okay if I enter your mind?"
"Will I feel anything?"
"Did you feel anything when I made you not see me?"
"I didn't."
"Then you won't feel this either."
23
