For his sake.
That’s when he saw the note on the counter.
His brother told him to toss it, so Callen knew that was the exact opposite of what he was going to do.
Why?
Because he was a fucking idiot.
Clearly.
Picking it up, he recognized the handwriting. The neat penmanship, almost mechanically written on the front of the paper, took him back.
They used to pass notes back and forth when Timothy separated them. They’d sneak them under the door to their shared bedroom when one of them was in a time-out.
Then, as they got older, they used to pass notes to each other in the school hall—or as he liked to call it,‘the asylum that created them’.
They’d hand them off, walking back and forth through the halls, keeping each other connected well before the time of cellphones.
This note in his hand hit him hard.
It was his last note ever.
There would be no Christmas cards or birthday cards. There would be no messages mailed or emailed.
This was his last piece of Ethan.
May the Great Spirit forgive him for the cruelty he’d handed his brother to save him.
Because he liked hurting himself, clearly, he flipped it open.
And read it.
‘My brother,
Thank you for letting me hide here and knowing that it was best to give me space. There are very few people in this world who know me as well as you. In fact, Gene is the only other person who has the common sense to know when I’m not in a good place.
I came here to run and hide, and when the pain of losing my job hit, there was only one person Iwanted to comfort me. You. Deep down, I know that the love between us is something that we’ll never experience again. I love Gene more than anything, but you and I have something special and unique. I know that the reason I keep coming back here isn’t the rez, but you.
That love I have for you is that single attraction that calls me here.
I miss having you in my life, and it was wrong to hurt you. I’m so sorry that I did, and I promise to work on making up for it. I know you are angry with me, but I want to be that brother again. I want to have you come visit our home in DC and Philadelphia. I want a relationship with you. Losing you was the biggest loss of my life, next to losing my mother, and I know it. Leaving you was devastating, but finding my way back to you…it’s healing me.
I hope that we can spend some time alone riding like we used to—preferably not on the reservation. I don’t do well here, but I know we can meet elsewhere, and this time, I’ll show up. I swear on Gene’s life. The bottom line is that I miss hearing your laughter and how you call me ‘EJ’.
When Granddad brought you home, I was given a gift. I’m glad they took me away and not you. I’m glad I endured the abuse in those foster homes and not you. Every time I was abused, all I thought was ‘Callen is safe’. To me, that’s all that mattered. I don’t hate you. I hate what happened to me. I’m growing as a person and learning that. I know that with you back in my life, I can finish healing. I can be Ethan Blackhawk again. I can be your brother until my death.
I love you, CJ. I’m heading back to Philly because I have to work, but I promise to keep in touch daily. I’m going to start helping you take care of Timothy and Wyler. I’d love a second chance, CJ, and I’m sorry I wasted the years in between with anger. I’m a new man. Now, I’m willing to be the brother you deserve. I’ll prove it.
Forever,
EJ.
Your other half.’
As soon as he read it, Callen sat down, and it felt like all of the strength in his legs was gone.
He’d not expected Ethan to be honest and open with him regarding his feelings. In fact, he would have thought Hell froze over first.
