So, he pointed it out, helping the man he loved navigate this.
“He did it, so you’d have a chance. Both he and your grandfather told me to get you out of here. They don’t want you around this place because it does really bad things to you. Look at how you’re rattled from being back here.”
That had Ethan’s attention.
“Pardon?” he asked, as he stared at him. “What did that mean?”
Gene explained.
“They know that this place is toxic for you, EJ. Callen absolutely wants you around. I see how he looks at you. He has holes in him, too. Pieces of you were pulled out of him when you left all of those years ago, and he is damaged just like you. He was trying to set you free so you could be happy.”
Ethan sat there.
What he did know was that he was bad at this. Oh, he could profile a serial killer with the best of them, and catch lunatics, but he absolutely couldn’t deal with his brother.
Or his father.
Or his grandfather.
Or the rez.
It made him a mess, and he didn’t understand why it was so damn difficult.
“Love should be easy,” he said.
At his words, Gene stopped him.
“No, EJ. Relationships should be easy. Love is the most difficult thing in the entire world because it’s the most worthwhile thing. There’s nothing more special, magical, and unique than love. Only, you have to work for it.”
Ethan stared at him.
“I don’t have to work at it for you. Loving you is so easy…,” he began.
And then, it hit him.
He could read between the lines. Gene was trying to tell him something.
“But loving me isn’t easy,” Ethan said.
Because he loved him, Gene picked up his hand with his un-casted one and kissed his knuckles.
“Loving you is easy, Ethan. Navigating the issues isn’t. Like you running all of the time. This is you running again. This time, though, you’re running from Callen instead of just facing it down. Life has bumps. You deal with them. That’s what makes it difficult to have a relationship with you.”
He had to know.
“How do you love me as well as you do when I’m a nightmare?”
He reassured him.
“You’re not a nightmare. What you are is a soul that was broken by his mother’s death, his father’s abandonment, his grandfather’s abandonment, and the loss of his brother for a few years. You’ve got trauma. That’s what I navigate. I don’t navigate Ethan Jackson. He’s the easiest person to love. I fell in love with you immediately. That was easy. Helping you get to where you need to be is the trickier part. You have to stop running, so that relationships are easier with you.”
In that moment, Ethan just took that all in.
“I don’t know how. It’s all I’ve ever known.”
Gene was honest.
“It’s okay to hate it here. It’s okay to hate coming back. It’s not okay to let it be the reason you’re damaged. You have to let it go. The first step is lookingBENEATHwhat Callen said. Yes, he told you there was nothing here for you. You took that as in relationships. He meant there is nothing here but a place that haunts you. He wants to save you because he loves you—not because he hates you. If he hated you, he wouldn’t be anywhere near you.”
