Now, he was trying to reassure him.
“It won’t happen again. How do I prove it won’t? How do I make you feel more secure?” he asked. “Tell me how to make this better so you feel safe, because I feel safe. We should both feel that.”
Gene was direct.
“I don’t want to be your boyfriend.”
At his words, Ethan froze.
They stung, and he couldn’t pretend otherwise. If he lost Gene because of Callen’s drunken confessional, Ethan would be lost.
Already, he felt the best thing in his life slipping away.
“Oh,” he said, not moving.
Truthfully, he was afraid to do that. What if he let Gene go, and he never let him hold him like this again?
What if he walked away?
Now, he knew how the man felt, and it was soul-crushing to know he’d felt this pain.
After saying that, Gene knew that he needed to explain. So, he lifted his chin so they were staring into each other’s eyes.
“I know we can’t get married. I know we can’t make that move for a long time, but I want more, Ethan. I want a promise. I want to know we’re together until we die.”
Ethan stared at him.
“Okay. Tell me what you want.”
“I want you to tell me you’ll marry me, so that one day, I know it’ll happen. I want to be your husband one day, and I don’t want to feel like you could just leave. I need a vow. A promise. An investment in us. I can’t survive if I wonder daily if this is just something to fill your time out of boredom, and then one day, you’ll disappear and run again.”
Oh, boy.
Ethan had done some damage.
BIG-TIME.
His freakout had put a dent in the normally, indestructible titanium armor that covered Gene.
This was the proof.
“Gene.”
He stopped him.
“I’m sorry. I have needs too. I can’t live like this, Ethan. You’re my person. I’m willing to not get married until you get to your goal, but I have goals too. I have things that are on my list, too. I can’t pretend they aren’t.”
He said nothing.
Why?
It was clear that Gene needed to get this off of his chest, and it wasn’t lost on Ethan that GeneALWAYSlet him talk.
“I don’t have the same ambitions as you, but the ones I do have still matter. They matter to me. Your grandfather told me that we were going to marry one day, and have kids. I want that. I need a guarantee.”
Ethan touched his face.
“Okay. Marry me,” Ethan said. “Make that vow with me, and one day, we’ll sign the paperwork. As far as I’m concerned, if you take that vow now, Gene, we’re already married. We have a joint account. We share a home. We sleep together. We work together. If you need that vow, make it with me. I’ll keep it, but then, you need to keep it too. This can’t be one-sided. What’s good for me has to be good for you too.”
