He looked at me, smiled sadly, and took a bite.
“Dumb question, I know.”
Halfway covering his mouth, he replied, “There may be people at the North Pole who don’t know yet.”
I shook my head. “Nah, I doubt it. I can almost hear Santa’s elves gossiping about us now. I’m pretty sure everyone knows.”
He flashed his teeth. “Then the worst is over, I guess.”
There we were, connecting. Uniting. Us against the world. Forever bound.
“Did you know about them?” he asked.
“What? Did I know they were having an affair?” To his nod, I answered, “Absolutely not. I don’t even know if this was an affair. I haven’t talked to him about it yet. Might have been a one-time thing.”
He finished chewing and asked, “Are you going to leave him?”
My eyebrows rose to my hairline. “I don’t know.”
He nodded slowly, and I didn’t know if my son approved of my answer.
“What do you want me to do?” I asked.
He turned to me. “I want you to be happy.”
“I am happy. I mean, considering. I’m glad I haveyou.”
“Mom, you’re not happy. You’ve been a wreck all year. Are you kidding me? I can’t believe you guys have made it this long.”
“You knew?” I asked. Why did I never give him enough credit?
“I’m a teenager, not a child. I live here too. You can’t hide things. You’ve spent this whole year trying to be someone you’re not. I know you’re frustrated with him. Who wouldn’t be?”
“Why do you say that?”
“He’s a workaholic.”
I couldn’t believe he knew how bad things had been, despite how hard I’d tried to hide it from him. I said, “I tried to protect you.” Jasper always understood things few other teenagers did. He always spoke like he was twenty years older than he was. “How are you so much more grown-up than other boys your age?”
“You know how you feel ignored sometimes?” he asked. “Me, too. Not by you. You’re an amazing mom. But Dad…he’s checked out for sure.”
“He’s certainly been sacrificing,” I admitted.
“Sacrificing our family.”
I found Jasper’s eyes, reminding myself to treat him like a man. “Do you think I should leave him?”
“I can’t answer that for you, Mom. I hate him and I’d like to kill him, but no matter what, I will stand by you. It’s not about me. I don’t have to live with him the rest of my life.”
I put my hand on his back. “You’re so good to me, honey.”
“You’re my mom. I’ll always stand by you. If you want to leave him, great. If you want to stay, we’ll figure it out. I might never speak to him again, but…” He shrugged his shoulders. “I’ll respect your decision, and I’ll try to get over it. The question is, how can I help you deal?”
At that moment, the side door opened, and we both froze. You live with someone long enough, and you know when it’s his energy entering the space. There’s no possibility of it being anyone else. Rory walked through the hallway and entered the kitchen. He looked as bad as I did. In fact, all the politician had been exorcised out of him, and he looked like a deflated balloon. Even in his darkest moments the past few years, he could hide his struggles behind that million-dollar smile. Not today. At that moment, his smile couldn’t have been more out of reach. His act of betrayal, being caught and exposed, the public shame and embarrassment of it all, had robbed Rory of his cruise-control existence.
How was it possible that I hated what Rory had done—nearly hated him for having done it—but, at the same time, had this sort of empathy for him?
Jasper didn’t turn toward him. He stared at the empty plate with only a few breadcrumbs left. He shook his head. A big part of me felt tremendous pride. Our son had drawn a line in the sand and taken my side. I had feared he might blame me for driving his father away. Or both of us at the same time. I was afraid he might run away. Kids can do crazy things when they’re in pain. Not Jasper. He wasn’t a kid, anyway. Not really.
