Rory removed his jacket and entered the living room. His sweater looked big on him, like he’d lost a lot of weight in the past few days. Much like my own, the bags under his eyes said it all. This had been the worst week of our lives.
“Hi, guys,” he said, as he went for a chair on the opposite side of the coffee table showing off my linen Christmas runner. I could see that he was nervous. Uncomfortable. Filled with anticipation.
I smiled with everything I had. “Hi.”
Jasper spun around on the piano bench to face us both, but he didn’t make eye contact with his father.
Rory’s eyes shifted from Jasper to me. “I’ve missed you two.”
I hadn’t been so nervous in years. Collecting my thoughts, I placed my hands on my lap and said, “My loves, I’ve been thinking. The past few days have been horrendous, and I’ve tried desperately to make sense of what’s happening.” I looked at my husband, trying to find a way past this hell. “I’ve tried desperately to find a way to forgive you. Or at least, to understand. None of us is perfect, but what you did is so beyond a mistake. It cuts the head off of our love. How can I look past it? How can I ever love you again?”
Rory opened his mouth to speak, but I waved him off and added, “But I want to try. I’m not going to leave you. You don’t deserve me, and you don’t deserve a second chance, but I’m going to give it to you. Because of the promise I made to you, and because I believe you’re a better man than the one who committed this vile act, I’m going to allow you back into this family, and I’m going to put everything I have into forgiving you and loving you again.”
Rory dropped his head, covered his face, and his shoulders racked as he broke into a sob. Jasper had crossed one leg over the other and was hunched over with his head resting in his hand. He stared at the rug, his jaws moving like he was chewing on something.
Through teary eyes, Rory said, “I won’t mess this up. I swear to God I won’t mess this up. I’ll give you reasons to love me again.” He cast his eyes over to his son. “You, too, Jasp. I’ll earn back your respect and love. I swear to you.”
Did Rory believe that? Did he believe he could earn back something that he hadn’t valued enough to keep in the first place?
Jasper continued staring at the rug.
“Jasper,” I said. He finally broke his stare and looked at me. “What do you think? Can we do this? Will you support my decision?”
He looked off to the right, but not at his dad. Then he returned his eyes to me and said, “I just want you to be happy, Mom.”
I smiled, forcing it with everything I had. “I am, honey. I’m happier every day. Marriage is complicated.” I gave a nervous laugh. “Life is complicated. Right now, I’m choosing to stick to the promises I made to your father when we married. In return, he has to agree to seek help.” I turned back to Rory. “You have to agree to stop overworking. To go to therapy with me. And I want you to resign your mayoral position immediately.” I slapped my leg. “No more public life.”
Rory dipped his chin.
I almost brought up the inn, but it wasn’t the right time. Not with Jasper here. “Also,” I continued, “I’d like you to take some time off and focus on your most important jobs. Being a father and a husband. We have plenty of money. You can afford to take time off. Let’s regain what we had as a family. If you have a problem with any of it, you’d better speak up now. This is all part of the deal.”
Rory smoothed his hands together nervously. “I’ll call a press conference in the morning. Thank you, Margot. Thank you.” He clasped his hands together. “I promise I will never betray you again. Neither one of you.” He looked at Jasper and reiterated, “I’ll fix this, son. I’ll earn back your trust, your love. I can’t tell you how much I regret not only this week but the past few years. Sometimes you sleep through life. That’s what I’ve been doing. But not anymore.”
There it was. The start of something new, I hoped. Sometimes severe trauma can bring about dramatic changes.
No, we didn’t step into a group hug; it would take a long time to reach that point. This was no surface wound that would heal quickly. But no one screamed, and maybe we left the living room stronger than we had been the day before.
That was a start.
Jasper went back upstairs, and Rory followed me into the kitchen. It was time for an adult talk.
“So much to discuss,” he said, taking a seat at the island. “Where do we even begin?”
I shrugged my shoulders, tied an apron around my waist, and opened the refrigerator, wondering what I’d cook for dinner. As I looked from shelf to shelf, my chest burned. Something was still wrong. I didn’t feel as great as I’d hoped I would. I wanted to hug Rory and tell him we had a lifetime to talk about things. That we were back to normal. I wanted to tell him we hadn’t lost a beat. That’s what a good partner would have done.
Instead, I could barely look at him. I wondered how he could even talk—how he had the gall to talk. He was chattering on, almost as if he’d done something as simple as shattering a glass, not like he’d done something as monumental as shattering a family. I stared blankly at the shelf with the condiments and wondered why I couldn’t let go easier. I was so far from letting go. In fact, I wanted to scream and stomp the floor. To lash out.
Closing the refrigerator, I rounded the island and approached Rory. He turned toward me on the stool, and our eyes met. I don’t know what he expected, but he didn’t see it coming. I slapped him as hard as I could across the face. The sound of the smack echoed across the kitchen.
Without making a sound he raised his hand to touch the red mark I’d left.
I hit him again. And again. He sat there taking it like he knew he deserved the punishment. I slapped him six or seven times. As hard as I could, nearly knocking him off the stool.
Tears shot from his eyes like he was a broken fire hydrant. I wanted to scream at him, but I didn’t want Jasper to hear. Instead, I whispered, “How could you do that to me? How could you do that to Jasper?”
Still touching his cheek, he shook his stupid head. “I don’t know.” Howcouldhe explain?
I crossed my arms and asked, “Was it the first time? Tell me the truth. You lie to me ever again, and you’re gone.”
