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'That will be Eyre the set of sun,' she said quickly.
'Where the place?'
'Within the text.'
'There to meet with MsNext!'
They stopped talking and I stared, unsure of what I was meant to do.
'Thank you very much,' I replied, but the first witch snorted disparagingly and wedged her foot in the door as I tried to close it.
'Prophecies, kind lady?' she asked as the other two cackled hideously.
'I really don't think so,' I answered, pushing her foot away. 'Perhaps another time.'
'All hail, MsNext! hail to thee, citizen of Swindon!'
'Really, I'm sorry – and I'm out of change.'
'All hail, MsNext, hail to thee, full Jurisfiction agent, thou shalt be!'
'If you don't go,' I began, starting to get annoyed, 'I'll—'
'All hail, MsNext, thou shalt be Bellman thereafter!'
'Sure I will. Go on, clear off, you imperfect speakers – bother someone else with your nonsense!'
'A shilling!' said the first. 'And we shall tell you more – or less, as you please.'
I closed the door despite their grumbling and went back to my multiple choice. I'd only just answered question forty-nine: Which of the following is not a gerund? when there was another knock at the door.
'Blast!' I muttered, getting up and striking my ankle on the table leg. It was the three witches again.
'I thought I told you—'
'Sixpence, then,' said the chief hag, putting out a bony hand.
'No,' I replied firmly, rubbing my ankle. 'I never buy anything at the door.'
They all started up then:
'Thrice to thine and thrice to mine, and thrice again, to make up—'
I shut the door again. I wasn't superstitious and had far more important things to worry about. I had just sat down again, sipped my tea and answered the next question: Who wrote 'Toad of Toad Hall'? when there was another rap at the door.
'Right,' I said to myself, marching across the room, 'I've had it with you three.'
I pulled open the door and said:
'Listen here, hag, I'm really not interested, nor ever will be in your … Oh.'
I stared. Granny Next. If it had been Admiral Lord Nelson himself I don't think I could have been more surprised.
'Gran!?!' I exclaimed. 'What on earth are you doing here?'
She was dressed in a spectacular outfit of blue gingham, from her dress to her overcoat and even her hat, shoes and bag.
