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She was pointing at a small round hatch that was partially hidden behind some copper tubing. It looked like something you might find in the watertight bulkhead of a submarine. Riveted and of robust construction, it had a large central lever and two locking devices farther than an arm span apart, so it could never be opened accidentally by one person.
“That leads to…Nothing,” I murmured.
“You mean a blank wall?”
“No, a blank wall would be something. This is not a nothing but the Nothing, the Nothing by which all Somethings are defined.”
She looked confused, so I beckoned her to a small porthole next to the hatch and told her to look out.
“I can’t see anything,” she said after a while. “It’s completely black…. No, wait, I can see small pinpoints of light—like stars.”
“Not stars,” I told her. “Books. Each one adrift in the firmament and each one burning not just with the light that the author gave it upon creation but with the warm glow of being read and appreciated. The brighter ones are the most popular.”
“I can see millions of them,” she murmured, cupping her hands around her face to help her eyes penetrate the inky blackness.
“Every book is a small world unto itself, reachable only by bookjumping. See how some points of light tend to group near others?”
“Yes?”
“They’re clumped together in genres, attracted by the gravitational tug of their mutual plotlines.”
“And between them?”
“An abstraction where all the laws of literary theory and storytelling conventions break down—the Nothing. It doesn’t support textual life and has no description, form or function.”
I tapped the innocuous-looking hatch.
“Out there you’d not last a second before the text that makes up your descriptive existence was stripped of all meaning and consequence. Before bookjumping was developed, every character was marooned in his or her own novel. For many of the books outside the influence of the Council of Genres and Text Grand Central, it’s still like that. Pilgrim’s Progress and the Sherlock Holmes series are good examples. We know roughly where they are, due to the literary influence they exert on similar books, but we still haven’t figured out a way in. And until someone does, a bookjump is impossible.”
I switched off the light, and we returned to Geppetto’s kitchen.
“Here you go,” said Julian Sparkle, handing me a cardboard box. Any sort of enmity he might have felt toward us had vanished.
“What’s this?”
“Why, your prize, of course! A selection of Tupperware™ containers. Durable and with ingenio
us spillproof lids, they’re the ideal way to keep food fresh.”
“Give them to the tiger.”
“He doesn’t like Tupperware—the lids are tricky to get off with paws.”
“Then you have them.”
“I didn’t win them,” replied Sparkle with a trace of annoyance, but then he added after a moment’s thought, “However, if you would like to play our Super Wizzo Double Jackpot game, we can double your prize the next time you play!”
“Good, fine—whatever,” I said as a phone on the kitchen table started jangling. Julian picked it up.
“Hello? Two doors, one tiger, liar/nonliar puzzle speaking.” He raised his eyebrows and grabbed a handy pen to scribble a note. “We’ll be onto it right away.”
He replaced the phone and addressed the two guards, who were watching him expectantly. “Scramble, lads. We’re needed on a boring car journey on the M4 westbound near Lyneham.”
The room was suddenly a whirl of activity. Each guard removed his door, which seemed to be on quick-release hinges, and then held it under his arm. The first guard placed his hand on the shoulder of Sparkle, who had turned his back, and the second on the shoulder of his compatriot. The tiger, now free, stood behind the second guard and placed one paw on his shoulder and with the other lifted the telephone off the table.
“Ready?” called out Sparkle to the odd line that had formed expertly behind him.
“Yes,” said the first guard.
