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“That’s not what this is,” she says fiercely. “That’s not how I see you two.”
I shake my head, looking away. She’s right. Someone’s going to notice us soon, and then we’re going to be in a world of shit. Walking away from this hurts. Walking away from her is like a knife through the heart.
But it’s what has to happen right now.
“Just look at what’s on there,” I say quietly, my voice edged as I turn away.
“Clay,” she whispers pleadingly. “Eamon—”
“Agent Carter! Now!”
She sobs quietly, and when the both of us turn back to her, we see her wiping her tears away as she shakes her head
“I’m sorry!”
So are we, I think.
A landing helicopter whips up dead leaves and dirt, making us shield our eyes as she whirls away, red hair blazing and green dress billowing behind her.
And then, just like that, she’s gone.
9
Phoebe
Two months later:
The plane dips in the fading twilight sky, rippling through the low clouds as it starts to descend to the private air strip. The sun is fading low, a little bit of spring chill creeps over me, making me shiver as the sunset glows across the runway.
But then, it might not be the temperature that has me shivering. It could be that for the first time in two freaking months, I’m about to see the men who’ve stolen my heart.
One day. One damn day with them, and I knew I was done for. Ruined for any other man, ever. One day, and I was so head over heels for them that it hurt. And then, it all went to hell.
Calling in the cavalry was the right move. It was the only move, and I know that. I know Terry’s guys would have killed us otherwise. But making that call? Watching their faces as they realized who I was?
…It’s been haunting me for two damn months.
Life’s been a cold blur since that day. And mostly, I’m just missing them, terribly. For a long time, I thought about calling or getting in touch somehow. But I knew if I were them, I’d never want to speak to me again. Getting them out of the situation and downplaying who they were so that they could get away was a nice gesture, but I know it’s nothing compared to the betrayal of not telling them I was law enforcement.
But, however shitty the last two months have been, here we are—about to be face to face. There’s a part of me that stings knowing it was something else that brought them to this meeting besides me. But I push that aside. This can’t be about me and my regrets, it’s bigger than that. It’s bigger than me, and the brief moment of perfection I found with two guys in that room two months ago.
For a long time, I didn’t look at the thumb drive Eamon gave me. First, I was so busy processing the whole Terry case. But after that, less than three weeks later, I got the job offer I never imagined I’d get: the CIA.
I’d loved working with the Bureau, and working undercover, but the intelligence position the CIA offered was too good to pass up. And with making the career move, and with hating myself for losing Clay and Eamon, I almost forget about the little thumb drive. That is, until two weeks ago, and when I finally looked at it, it almost broke me.
We’d known Terry was a piece of shit mobster. No one new how much a monster he was though.
No one knew about the girls he was running, or the way he treated them as his own personal harem or punching bags. I’d poured over some of the testimonies from girls who’d escaped, and my heart broke. It’d been someone Clay and Eamon knew who broke the thing wide open—the daughter of one of the other kings on the Irish council, who’d come to visit Boston and found herself getting the shit kicked out of her by Terry trying to fight off his attempts at screwing her.
I read it all and looked through every picture. And after I was done throwing up in the bathroom, I made my decision.
And I have zero regrets.
What I’m doing isn’t exactly legal. But then, “the system” was going to fail when it came to Terry. They were going to get him on some mob-related shit, but with his kind of money and the kind of law team it buys, he’d be out in ten years, easily. Sure, there’s the thumb drive, but it’s inadmissible evidence, seeing as I got it from two crime kingpins who want to kill Terry.
So, I made the call, and now I’m following through with it. And my conscience is clear, considering the monster Terry is.
After September 11th, the CIA started a program they called “rendition”. It’s actually pretty awful stuff where they just made suspected terrorists just “disappear” to off-grid black-sites. Sure, it caught a bunch of the bad guys. But it also destroyed some truly innocent people. It’s mostly not in use anymore.
