It felt as if that was all she did these days, between the confused torrent of emotions that erupted when Kahler was near and the quiet moments she spent with the kids. Tears of frustration, anger, sometimes of despair. They all came flooding out and leaving her miserable.
Pressing a sallow cheek to the cool tiles, she contemplated the nooks and crannies of the nearest grout lines. Every day was more of the same. She would try to eat, or Tobias would force her to, and she would end up here. Some days it was worse, not often better. If she complained, Kahler made all manner of excuses. How the doctors had said she was sensitive, and it would all be over as soon as she went into heat. Yet she hadn’t felt sick when Lee had been doing this to her.
Not that she could tell Tobias that.
Forehead etched with deep lines as her brows slid down to scrunch together, Quinn began a slow recoil. Something that took an age before she was shoving up, bare feet skidding across the floor as instinct had her pressing back to the nearest wall. A protective gesture as she realized how his name changed in her head.
No longer his surname alone, she thought of him as Tobias more often than not.
“Fuck,” she whispered to the empty room, hands cradling her head as more salty misery tumbled down her wan face. He’d infected every part of her, twisting it up into something she didn’t even recognize anymore.
“Miss Quinn? Are you all right?” Meghan’s disembodied voice floated into the bathroom, muffled and strained.
She probably hadn’t even dared to enter the bedroom, hovering at the door. Not that Quinn could blame her. There were hazy memories of when the hormones first started effecting her, that she had lashed out at anyone other than the kids. And Kahler, of course, she thought with a silent snarl, making sure to consider him as nothing more than a name as she did.
It wouldn’t help anything to fall apart thinking of everything that had happened during those weeks. The way he’d made her scream in anything but pain or anger.
“Yeah, fine,” Quinn called back, voice ragged. Climbing to her feet, she stumbled towards the sink to splash her face and rinse out her mouth. Already she could feel her stomach twisting, threatening to revolt at the very idea of brushing her teeth again. “Where are the kids?”
“They’re in the nursery.”
“I thought you were outside with them?”
“The weather was turning, Miss Quinn. Children their age really shouldn’t be out in the rain.”
Quinn’s shoulders rounded, guilt weighting her spine until she stared down at the swirling water without seeing it through the misty quality everything had taken through fresh tears. Damn him. Damn him for turning her into an emotional wreck, for making her take those fucking pills, for demanding everything from her and returning none of it.
Scrubbing the heel of her palm over her eyes hard enough to leave her blinking against lurid lime and crimson blotches, Quinn snatched up her toothbrush and began to brush her teeth. Motions jerky, furious, she didn’t flinch as she abraded her gums raw. Welcomed the bitter taste of copper flooding her mouth as she forced her back to straighten.
“I’ll go, but you should really come and spend some time with them before you get too tired.”
Meghan was gone before Quinn could spit out the foamy pink bubbles to retort.
It wasn’t her fault. She’d told him how sick it was making her, how exhausted she was, and he did not care. So set on his final goal, he was reckless with her. Apathetic to what he was doing to her body, let alone her mind.
Shaking her head, Quinn jerked the taps to shut the water off, wiping her mouth with rough strokes before storming out of the bedroom. She wanted to spend time with them, wanted to play with them. Quinn hated that she became so ground down by the time lunch rolled around that she could do nothing more than collapse into her nest and pray she wouldn’t wake up vomiting if she’d dared to eat.
“Mama?” Adam’s little face scrunched up, something too close to worry flashing in bright hazel eyes as she came bursting into the nursery.
Elise paused in her game of tumbling toys into their container, her gummy smile fading before she fell back onto her butt to watch Quinn come closer.
“Hey, baby boy,” Quinn said as she fell into an awkward tangle of limbs beside Adam on the rug, weary bones refusing to allow her a graceful descent. Making a point to ignore Meghan’s faint gasp, she offered up a crooked smile to Adam and tousled his hair. “What are we doing?”
“Blocks.” Adam continued to stare up at Quinn with his face puckered. So similar to that one time he’d tried pears, all horror and disgust, right before he’d spit it all back out.
Elise babbled at her, forehead scrunching up as she became more animated. Gesturing with wild sweeps of her arms that almost toppled her over, she gave a final nod before picking up a bright green block to slap against the side of the plastic container.
“And that’s all she has to say about that,” Quinn muttered. She felt strange. A sense of inadequacy creeping over her skin as her infant daughter told her off and her toddler son watched with something too anxious for such a small boy. She was the parent, yet it seemed she was doing a horrible job of it.
Determined as always, Quinn scooted closer and picked up a couple of blocks to start building a tower. Adam loved making them and Elise had a blast making them crash to the ground.
She’d be fine.
Everything would be fine.
Adam joined in after several silent moments ticked by, helping her to erect a huge bastion of bright wooden bricks. By the time it was as tall as he was, Adam had lost the fretful scowl and lapsed into a commanding air. Pointing and ordering Quinn to pick him up so he could place the next block, she demanded he ask and be polite in return. The battle of wills was won with his grudging thanks which earned him raspberries blown on his neck and cheeks, sending him into hysterical laughter.
The idea of him maybe being an Alpha worried her, but there was nothing she could do to change a dynamic. The hallmarks were all there, no matter what Meghan tried to say. The most she could do was teach him not to be like every Alpha she had ever known. To be polite and caring, understanding, protective of the weaker dynamics. There was time to instill in him a sense of right and wrong, and that doingthisto an Omega would be so very wrong. That there needed to be love, not forced dependency.
