“I will. Promise.”
“I’ll hold you to that.”
I spend the next hour unpacking and making sure I have everything I need. I try calling Mom, but she doesn’t answer so I shoot her a text hoping she’ll see it eventually and respond.
Me: Staying with Jae for a bit. Call me if anything changes with Miguel.
I’m not used to radio silence from her. We’ve always been close. Especially after Dad died. She talked to me. Told me things most mothers probably wouldn’t tell their daughters, but it was okay. I liked the shift in our relationship. I liked knowing she needed me but now—I need her.
I try to push back the emotion bubbling up inside of me. An empty crater opens in my chest and I rub at the ache, hating the hollow feeling inside of me.
“You’re not some little kid anymore,” I remind myself. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. Everyone has to leave the nest at some time. Now just happens to be mine.
I set my phone on the bedside table before picking it back up. I debate calling Emilio next.
Every day this week he’s come over to the house after football practice. But he’s clearly upset with me today. It’s stupid and beyond immature. I get the feeling he won’t stop by today but if he does, I should be the one to tell him. It’ll only make him angrier if he shows up at my house and my mom is the one to tell him I moved in with Jae. I don’t know how he’ll take it. But I imagine it’ll be worse than if I tell him myself.
Indecision swirls through me. I don’t want to tell him. I want to just pretend like this isn’t a thing. Because it shouldn’t be. Where I live should play no part in our relationship, whatever it may be. And that kiss. I press my fingers to my lips, remembering his touch. His taste. He’s always sweet with a hint of spice, much like thepalerindas—a tamarind-flavored sucker—I see him eating sometimes.
But I know this is going to be a thing between us. It’ll cause a rift and Mom being the one to tell him will only make it so much worse. She knows Emilio is Luis’s father. We had that fun, awkward conversation and it went about as well as can be expected.
She thinks he’s too young. That I should be careful. That I shouldn’t give even an inch when it comes to Luis because he’ll take a mile. It’s like she expects him to try and take Luis from me or something.
It doesn’t help that she’s always been a fan of the idea of Jae and I getting together. Luis being around puts a damper on her plans and knowing Emilio was there when Miguel was arrested, doesn’t give him any points in her book. I don’t need this to boil over into a bigger deal than it needs to be. I love my mom but, she’s not thinking clear right now.
Resigned with the knowledge that I do actually have to tell him, I pull up Emilio’s number and hit dial, listening as it rings. Once. Twice. Five times. I hit his voicemail. Relief sweeps through me as his voice says, “This is Emilio. You know what to do.” The line beeps and I hang up. Voicemail isn’t the best way to tell him I’ve moved out, right? I’ll try again later. Probably. But at least I can say I did try.
I check the time. Practice should be out already but be could be running late, or maybe he decided to take a shower or something. Should I send him a text? Maybe just to ask him to call me when he has a moment. Before I can decide, my phone vibrates in my hand and I jump.
Emilio’s name flashes across the screen and my fingers fumble to open the incoming message, nerves already slamming into me.
Emilio: Had some family shit come up. I’ll be busy the next few days.
Oh. My shoulders slump. He’ll be busy? What is that supposed to mean? Like, is he too busy for Luis and me? I chew on my bottom lip. Is he really that mad at me that he’d make up some story about family drama?
I shake my head. No. I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt. Besides, I wanted to put off telling him I moved out anyway. This at least buys me some time. I sit on the edge of the bed and stare down at my phone.
This is good. Helpful, even.
I exhale a harsh breath. So why does it feel like my stomach is trying to escape through my feet right now?
If he wants to avoid me, there isn’t anything I can do about it. It just royally sucks to know that he does.
Me: Okay. See you at school.
I hit the send button, refusing to let on how much this bothers me. Doubt creeps in and I wonder if this is going to be a recurring thing? Get mad at Bibi and suddenly become unavailable?
Three little dots appear on the screen and I wait for him to respond, but after a few seconds, the dots that signal he’s typing fade and no new messages arrive. I sigh. Whatever. Boys are dumb anyway.
Twenty-four
It’s been three days since I found out Raul died, and life has been an absolute shitstorm. I didn’t even make it to practice the last two days, and I barely see Luis. I mean, I see him at school since Bibiana brings him but getting my kid for all of thirty minutes during lunch and then sharing him during fourth period isn’t enough. This isn’t going to work for me.
I remind myself that it’s temporary. As soon as we figure shit out and make sure Sofia doesn’t go into the system, I can spend more time with Luis. With my girl. Bibiana has been acting strange. Reserved even. It’s like she’s folding herself back into a shell and I’m not sure what to think about it. I want to let her know what’s going on, but what if she freaks out? I won’t risk her keeping Luis from me. I’d like to think we’re past that. That she’d never keep him from me, but I can’t shake the feeling that she might. I mean, what mother wouldn’t be worried with social services sniffing around, right?
“Thank you, boys. I believe that’s everything I need for now.” The social worker—a Miss Patricia Morgen—says, getting to her feet. She holds a legal pad in one hand, the first few pages littered in notes. About what, who the fuck knows. She’s been here twice now in three days, and I won’t be surprised if I see her again.
It’s clear she has decided she doesn’t like our situation. She keeps making statements about how important it is to for a young girl to grow up with a mother. And yeah, I’m sure it is. But we don’t have one around, and it’s more important for Sofia to stay with her family than to be carted off to live with a bunch of strangers. Mother or not, she needs us too.
