1GABRIEL
“Gabe, man. You gotta talk about this,” Felix says, concern creasing his forehead as he lingers in my doorway.
“I’m fine,” I grunt, shoulders hunched without looking up. No way in hell am I about to rehash how Cecilia ripped my heart out and stomped on the pieces.
Sharing my fucking feelings isn’t going to make what I’m dealing with any better. In fact, I’m ninety-nine-point-nine-percent positive it will only make things worse.
Felix steps further into my room, persistent bastard that he is. “You’ve been a ghost for weeks. I know something happened with you and Cecilia, but when any of us so much as says her name, you either bite our heads off or you shut down. What gives?”
I rake both hands through my hair, emotions churning violently in my gut.That’s because she ended things.What a fucking joke. I don’t even know why I’m so torn up about this. About her.It doesn’t make any sense. But nothing about my feelings for Cecilia made sense. They didn’t need to.
She was just … fuck. I don’t even know. She was her, and I was me, and together, we fit. We just fucking fit.
I told her I loved her. Me. I said those three fucking words. Words I’ve never said to any other girl before. I handed her my still-beating heart and let her carve it up as she saw fit, trusting that she felt the same way I did.
Idiot.
I don’t know what I was thinking. I trusted the girl who snuck beneath my armor when no one else could. And when I laid myself bare at her feet, she told me to walk away. Like severing this connection between us is so damn easy.
Maybe for her, it is. But it’s not like that for me.
I can’t stop caring about her with the flip of a switch. If it was that easy, I wouldn’t feel like this. Like my fucking soul is cannibalizing itself, leaving behind a gaping wound in my chest.
I fucking hate it.
I rub at the ache beneath my ribs, desperate to ease some of the pain.
We weren’t dating. She wasn’t my girlfriend. We were just …fuck.
Even now, I don’t know how to describe what we were.
And a part of me thinks I never needed to.
I didn’t need a label to know it was special. That what was going on between us was different. More than anything I’d ever hadbefore with another woman. But for some irrational reason, it sort of pisses me off that I can’t even call her my ex. As far as anyone else can tell, we were never anything.
“Just leave it alone,” I snap, hands clenching at my sides to hide their faint tremor. I can't keep reliving the worst day of my goddamn life. Not if I want to keep what's left of my sanity.
Heavy footfalls sound down the hall before Julio—another of my roommates—fills the doorway just behind Felix, brow furrowed. The combined weight of their stares makes my skin prickle uncomfortably.
Christ. They’re turning into mother fucking hens.
“For fuck’s sake,” I mutter under my breath, shoulders tensing. There goes any chance at privacy. I’m trying to sort through the tangled mess in my head, and I don’t need a goddamn audience for it.
The weekends are the only reprieve I get from seeing her, and this weekend came and went too goddamn fast.
I’m trying to amp myself up for today—Monday—and these assholes won’t leave me the hell alone.
“You’ve been moping around for weeks,” Julio says bluntly, always one to cut right to the chase. The guy doesn’t even start off with a good morning. “You’re not the only one who lives here, cabrón.” —fucker— “So, spill. Why have you been an absolute dick, lately?”
I flip my best friends off, jaw tight. I don’t care if I’m being a moody bastard right now. I think I’ve earned the right to work through this on my own terms, without either of them scrutinizing my every move.
Julio’s dark eyes flash with frustration, clearly not on the same page. “Can you at least pretend to be a functioning human long enough to welcome Deacon? The guyyouinvited to move into nuestra casita.” —our home—“He’s going to be here any minute and you need to get whatever stick you have up your ass, out.”
Shit.
I forgot he was moving in today. I scrub my hand over my face and try like hell to shove my feelings back into their box.
Deacon’s a freshman transfer from Suncrest U. We met when he helped friends of ours fork our soccer field.
