Shit. Did I read that wrong?
“If you want that, I mean.” My voice wavers, panic bubbling up. Fuck. I sound like such a simp but I can’t find it in myself to care. “I know you have a lot on your plate, but I’m here,” I reiterate. “For whatever you need. You can lean on me.”
She shakes her head, her lip trembling again. “Yeah,” she stammers. “Friends is fine. Great even.”
Bullshit.
If friends was fine she wouldn’t look like she was two seconds away from crying. My heart swells in my chest. I hate seeing my girl upset, but does that mean she wants more? That she wants me?
I take her mug from her hands, setting it aside before grabbing her chin gently, forcing her to look at me. “What is it, baby?”
Her eyes drop, and she tries to pull away, but I’m not letting her. I pull her closer until her chest is flush against mine.
“None of this works if we lie to each other.”
She buries her face in my chest, and I wrap my arms around her, resting my chin on top of her head. Her body trembles against me, and my heart feels like it’s breaking for her. "I thought … I thought you’d want to give things a real shot. I know I already said things are a mess. And I know my problems don’t need to be yours. Right now is the worst possible time to start a relationship. Trust me, I know. And I get that it’s a lot to ask."
Her words sink in like a slap upside the head and I cut her off mid ramble. “You’re joking, right?”
Her brows furrow, and she hastily wipes at her eyes with the backs of her hands. “Sorry. God. I’m such a mess. I don’t know what I was thinking. Just ignore me, okay? Friends is great. It’s more than I?—”
“Cecilia, we’re getting our wires crossed.” I tilt her chin toward me again, needing her to hear me. “You said your life was a mess. I thought that meant you weren’t ready for a relationship.”
“It is a mess,” she stammers, her voice shaky. “And I’m not 100% ready. Not in the ‘lets be responsible and jump in feet first’ kind of way. I think I’m more of the ‘let's go head first and hope for the best’ sort of way. But that’s okay, right? Life is messy. We have ups and downs but umm … I’m not really sure where I’m going with all that but—” Her watery smile meets mine.
“Tell me what you want,” I say, needing to hear the words. “I’m all in, baby. Friends, dating, hell, marriage—you name it. Whatever you want, I’m in. Just tell me what you want and it’s yours.”
Her eyes widen, vulnerability shining through. She looks at me like I’m offering her the world.
“You’re serious?”
“As a heart attack.” I brush a tear from her cheek. “But I’m gonna need you to talk to me. I’m not a mind reader, and we’ve got a history of getting our wires crossed.”
Her lip quivers. “I don’t deserve you.”
I pull her tight against me, my hands gripping her waist. “You deserve everything, Cecilia. Fucking everything.”
She clings to me for a long moment, then pulls back just slightly. “I want a fresh start,” she says softly. “Like, really start over. Date each other. But slow. I think I need slow with everything going on, but I want to give us a try.”
I nod, my heart slamming against my ribs. "We’ll take it as slow as you need. I’m not going anywhere."
She exhales, the tension melting from her shoulders. “And … maybe no sex for a while,” she adds quickly. “I just … I want to make sure we’re building something real, you know?”
The no-sex part stings a little, but I get it. “If that’s what you want, then that’s what we’ll do.”
Her smile returns, and this time it feels real. “Really?”
“Really.” I cup her cheek, brushing my thumb across her skin. “I’m in this for the long haul.”
“Thank you,” she whispers, resting her head against my chest.
We stand there, wrapped up in each other, the smell of coffee and the warmth of her body grounding me like a blanket. For the first time in a long time, it feels like we’re on the same page. Like we actually have a shot at making this work.
“I’ll take you out,” I murmur into her hair. “Proper dates. Dinner, movies, whatever you want.”
She chuckles softly, the sound vibrating through my chest. “I’d like that.”
“Good,” I say, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “Because I’ve got a lot of making up to do, and I plan on spoiling you rotten.”
