My throat feels thick, and I blink back the sudden moisture in my eyes. “Yeah. I know.”
“Get some rest,” Felix says, his voice calm, yet firm, as though he’s issuing an order. “Timing for you two might be shit, but all that means is you guys have more ups and downs than most. Give him some space. He’ll come around when he’s ready.”
I want to believe him, but doubt gnaws its way into the pit of my stomach. “Thanks,” I manage.
I know Felix is just being nice, but I wish he wouldn’t. I wish he'd just be honest with me.
When he first showed up tonight, he said what Gabe and I are doing, that it isn’t healthy. This back and forth rollercoaster ride we’re on—together one minute and pushing each other away the next—it’s not good for either one of us. And I hate that it’s true and that he isn’t the first to say that to me. Julio said almost the exact same thing a handful of weeks ago.
So why tell me that he’ll come around? Why get my hopes up if neither of them think we should even be together?
But what am I supposed to do? Allow Gabriel to push me away when he’s hurting? Prove him right by leaving when things get tough? How does that help anyone?
For what feels like the hundredth time, I think about calling Gabe. I want to. Ineedto. But he’s made it clear he doesn’t want to talk. Not now. If I push him before he’s ready, I’ll only make things worse. I keep hearing his parting words over and over in my head.It’s over. I’m done. I don’t want to be your fucking friend.
How do we recover from that?
“You’ve got my number now,” Felix says, interrupting my spiraling thoughts. “Use it if you need it.”
“Yeah. Okay. Thanks.”
I wave him off, but he doesn’t leave right away. “You going inside?” he asks, raising an eyebrow.
“In a couple minutes.” I sigh. “Just ... need to get my head on straight first, you know?”
Felix’s lips press together before he nods. “My mom would kill me if she knew I left you out here alone.”
“I’m fine. Really. I just need a few minutes. Promise.”
He hesitates, then relents. “Only a few minutes. You swear?”
I raise two fingers. “Scout’s honor. I’m a big girl.”
With a roll of his eyes, Felix shifts into drive. “Take care, Cecilia.”
I watch him go, standing there until his taillights disappear around the corner. Then it’s just me, the shadows, and the hollow ache in my chest.It’s going to be okay.I repeat it over and over, trying to convince myself it’s the truth.
Giving Gabriel space is the right thing to do. An easy thing, really. One that requires zero effort on my part.
So why does it feel impossible?
Gabriel told me to back off, and I’m going to respect that.
My fingers tighten around my phone. I hate this. Hate that I’m spiraling, obsessing, waiting for a call that’s not going to come tonight. It shouldn’t hurt this much. It shouldn’t feel likewe’re at opposite ends of the world growing further and further away from one another.
But it does.
Why is this so freaking hard?
It’s not like we weretogethertogether. We weren’t dating. I’m getting so worked up when this doesn’t have to be a thing.
We tried the friends-with-benefits thing. It didn’t work. Then we tried just being friends.
Clearly that also failed.
Maybe the best thing for the both of us really is a clean break.
But the thought of losing Gabriel ... I can’t. I’m not ready for that. Maybe that’s selfish, but I don’t care. I don’t know how to quit him. And even if I did, I don’t think I could go through with it.
