“Why?” I ask. He’s got his brother. From the look of things, at least one parent that he likes. I don’t know what the deal is with their mom but they were groomsmen in their dad’s wedding so there’s got to be some sort of decent relationship there.
“Because family is the single most important thing to him,” Asher tells me. “And as far as Adam is concerned, you’re a part of ours.”
“Good for him,” I tell him. “But I already have a family.” I tip my beer toward Julio before pointing at the rest of my roommates and ending with Cecilia. “The one I was born into didn’t work out so I built my own.”
Asher nods, his expression contemplative. “I get that,” he says. “But I’m asking you to give my brother a chance. You don’t have to accept or even like me. I’m cool with where we currentlystand. But Adam is sensitive. Just … tell me what it is that you need from me to give my brother a chance?”
My jaw clenches. I don’t like the position he’s putting me in right now. I’m not trying to be a dick but he’s not asking for any small favor. Allowing them into my life, into my family, that’s a risk I’m not sure I’m willing to take.
“Why me?” I ask. “He’s got a new mom he can go connect with. Why not focus his energy there?”
“No offense man, but your mom is?—”
“A piece of work.” I finish for him.
He huffs out a breath. “Yeah. I mean, my dad loves her so I guess there’s that. She’s just …” His lips press together and his brows pull forward as he mulls over whatever it is he was about to say.
“She’s selfish,” I tell him. “She might act like she loves your father and maybe she really does. But she does so because he offers her something of value. Money, or security, or maybe just the feeling of being wanted. I don’t really know. My mom has her own baggage I’m not willing to try and unpack. But her love comes with conditions. I’m assuming you’ve already realized this?”
“Yeah. It was fine at first. I mean she’s nice and all but it’s like nothing we do is good enough. She nitpicks the stupidest things and sometimes it feels like she’s trying to turn us into people that we’re not.”
I don’t bother telling him she’s recreating the family she lost. He’ll figure it out eventually.
“I don’t know what to tell you, man. She is who she is. I stopped trying to figure out her motives years ago.”
Asher sighs. “I get it,” he tells me. “But Adam was really looking forward to the whole big happy family thing, and since he’s not going to find that with your mom … “
“He’s turned his attention to me?”
He shrugs. “Yeah. I guess you could say that.”
My fingers tighten around the bottle in my hand. “I’m not looking to replace my dead brother,” I tell him.
Asher’s shoulders slump, and his expression falls with defeat. “Right. Yeah. Um.”
“But I’m open to considering friends.”
His head jerks up, dark brown widening. “Yeah?”
I nod. “Yeah. We can start with friends.”
cecilia
. . .
The barbeque looksto be a hit. Some of Gabriel’s teammates toss a football around the yard, while others sit at the outdoor tables eating food and relaxing. I move through the crowd, my eyes scanning the open space when I catch a glimpse of Kenji laughing with a few of the guys.
“He seems to be fitting in,” I tell Adriana.
“Mmm …” She makes a noncommittal sound before taking a drink of her beer. I shudder just thinking about the taste. I haven’t touched a drop of alcohol since the party with Austin last summer. And despite knowing that I’m safe—that Gabriel would never let anything like that happen here—I’m not sure I ever will.
What went down that night wasn’t the result of alcohol. I know that, so my aversion to it seems a bit silly. But drinking feels like a slippery slope, and despite the progress I’ve made, I’m not sure I’m capable of letting loose like that. Not with this many people around. With so many unknowns.
Even now there’s an itch beneath my skin. This sense of urgency that I need to leave. To find somewhere safe. But I know it’s just the fear. I haven’t had a panic attack in weeks and I’m not about to have one today.
“You doing okay?” Adriana asks, her head tilted to the side as she looks me over.
“Yeah. Of course.” My voice is a little too breathless. A little too high.
